I know its been a while but hey my life in the past few weeks has been a whirl wind of events and blessings and has been moving so fast i did not have time to get my blog in. I recently turned 29, got a new job, started two mentoring programs and help start a tutoring company. God has been good. I'm getting up in age where a lot of people my age are starting to get married, have kids, and buy their first homes or they already have it or have done it and are experiencing their first divorces, working on marriage number 2 . Mean while I'm working on starting grad school, trying to get a full time job in my field and becoming completely independent. Now Im not where I though I would be in life at this age, but I don't think I'm behind either, I think I'm right where I'm supposed to be individually. But it kind of bothers me when people ask me , you're 29 why don't you have kids yet ? Well to each his own, but Im kind of trying to do things in a cretin order and I don't believe that my age should be cause for me to deviate from that plan. I'd kind of like to be stable, get married then have kids. Not saying if it goes in another direction, I wouldn't embrace it, but I have a plan I'm trying to stick to. The other question I get is you're an eligible bachelor how is it that you're still single and not married. Honestly I'm very picky about the women I date. I don't date just to say I'm with someone, I wont date a woman that I cant see myself building something with and potentially marrying, she has to be at least marriage material. If I can see the end theres no reason to start the relationship. Otherwise we'll just be friends , go on dates, but not be dating. I don't think that my age should be a reason to rush to the altar, and ultimately into divorce court. I talk to a lot of older people, like my grandparents and they think that more young people should think like I do. Which is amazing because they got married at 16 and 18 and are still together. And thats what I want, I want a marriage that last the test of time. Im looking for a woman that understands and cherishes her marriage vows, because I really don't believe many people truly believe or understand their marriages vows when they take them, they say there marriage vows with escape clauses in their head, which mean they really don't agree. I want a wife life like Cookie Johnson, Magic Jonson's wife. I said this before and people didn't understand, but no one has stood by her vows of for better or worse, through good times and bad time, richer or for poorer, in sickness and health till eat do us part, like Cookie. I mean lets look back at it, she had just got married, was pregnant , and her husband had to publicly admit to having HIV and cheating on national TV. At a time when people didn't live long with HIV, expectancy was a few months tops. Right there alone many women would have walked out on that marriage, turned their backs on their vows, but not Cookie. Im sure she put down many hours of prayer, because right there was their relationships bad times, worse times, sickness all at once. How many people do we know that leave people over simple things they aren't willing to work through. Most people aren't ready for marriage nor understand that when you're married you've made a vow to GOD to put up with things you would never put up with while just dating someone, but most don't see it like that, they feel if you mess up it give s me an out, they expect perfection. But when leaving you break all your other vows. I've sat and listened to old married couples talk about getting through the impossible , cheating spouses, gambling debts, drug habits, outside children, things our generation is just not built to handle it seems. I don't know if or when ill get married, but I promise I wont be marrying someone that isn't willing to try to work through anything that could possibly be conceived. I take the marriage vows seriously, and thinks everyone should. So this is to those married couples like my Grandparents, the Cookie Johnson wives, and those that believe in their marriage vows sans any escape clause, the hopeless romantics that believe that true love and GOD can conquer all, thank you for being great role models, I know that if you can do it so can we, maybe then when people believe what they vow to marriage can be an institution and it can again have sanctity. Now back to that search for My Cookie. Thats my perspective Whats yours ?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Till death do us part, well unless you do ....... etc
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You know, I used to believe that vows meant everything. And you are right when you say that the institution of marriage is not what it used to be. People stayed together regardless of it all, my parents being one of them. I dreamed of having that same thing, sharing a last name with my children, having them to grow up with both parents in the home, and I tried my hardest to make that come true, but everyone isn't raised the same. And that's not only something that I realized, it's something that I had to accept. I literally saw the pain in my father's eyes when my mother was shot. It is like they took apart of him with that bullet. And I expected the same thing from my husband when I was hospitalized. Not only did I NOT get it, he had the audicity one time to tell me that I couldn't speak with our son cause he was on the phone with his daughter. It's not just something I think, but I know that sometimes you can want something so much even though it isn't good for you. And that's what happened with me. At one point, I adored this man, would gave given up my world for him and almost did, but I had to accept that we were two different people that wanted different things. So one to my next marriage. May it be more successful than my first.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that most of the people who gets married today are not prepared and not willing to stick it out through thick and thin. However, I do believe that there are instances when a person is justified and has God's full blessing in breaking that vow. No one deserves to be abused, and if they are being abused, they have the right to walk away and create a safe environment for themselves and their children. That's when the taking your time to get to know your mate before making this type of commitment comes in, but there are those who put on a great facade until they feel like they have you. Do that end, yes people need to take their vow seriously,and make sure you know the person you are making that vow to, but abuse in any form should be a deal breaker.
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ReplyDeleteI am late to the blog but I am going to say something anyway. I never personally believed in the vows that are recited during a wedding. I believe that divorce is ok, not that I am going to get one nor do I want to but...I am 30 years old, engaged to the most wonderful woman on the planet, but what if in 30 years we become just very good roomates?? kids are out of the house, but we fall out of love (which happens)and we're there just to be there. Even worse, what if one of us is unhappy, I don't love her anymore, I can't stand her site, everything she does just piss me off, even the niceties annoy the hell out of me. Do I stay and make both of our lives miserable?...Do I try to find happiness at the strip club or from a bottle? what if she spends all of your money because in her head, you're donald trump? You're 45 years old, can't get her to stop spending, retirement money is almost gone, you're staring down the barrel of a poor retirement?? what do you do? take what's left and make like a basketball or do you stick it out. I would personally stay, just out of spite...but I can understand if another man chooses not to.
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Neg Im not against divorce, but im against people not trying everything it takes to try to make it work. I mean if you get married don't be looking for the reason to leave or unwilling to fight and endure harder and more than you ever thought you would or could. People skip past learning to deal with stuff, letting time sort stuff out, counseling, prayer, and everything else in between and skip right to divorce and they not even done paying for the wedding yet. Or they say the vows knowing damn well they don't mean it, i mean if you don't believe them write what you agree to. Thats all
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