Its not only how you date, but who you date

Its not only how you date but who you date , its one of the problems I often encounter in my “How Am I still Single” workshop .
Meaning Ladies and Gentlemen that your pass, sometimes effects your present and future suiters and admirers.  Sometimes people deem you undateable based on who else they know you have had relations or relationships with.
I often tell people that communication is key in relationships, in every aspect and every phase, especially if you want an honest relationship, and if your doing what I call dating near or in someones circle.

I most often encounter and have this talk with women, because women generally respect the circle of other women, but egregiously disrespect that of their exes . Whats the circle, its your group of friends and associates, people you know that you wouldn’t want your ex dating. I recently had a talk with a few ladies who liked some men, but the men they liked had associations to men from their past and they could understand the reluctance.

So quick rule, ladies don't date inside or too close to a mans circle, whats to close, I don't know its different case by case, but use sound judgement and if all else fails think would you be cool with it if the shoe was on the other foot. If your dating or interested in someone that knows your ex, make sure they know what the nature of what your relationship was and don't understate it. Why?  Well lets just think of it like this, we all know how women that have messed with multiple members of a certain, frat, chapter, club, or team, etc are perceived? Well the same goes for groups of friends and you don't want to be on the receiving end of those types of thoughts, no matter how innocent your intentions. Sometimes things just look bad, and the devils are in the details

Its just my perspective, whats yours ?

You've matured but your out look hasn't part 2

As I get older especially the closer I get to thirty, I meet more people that have just gotten married, gotten divorced or working on marriage number two. If you think its hard being older and single, talk to someone that back on the market and older. I never thought I’d consider a woman who was once married, until I started meeting them.

Look in our fantasies, dreams,and/or fairytales we always meet someone single thats never been married, we get together and its both of our first marriage and first child. But the reality of the world we live in, it may not be someones first child or first marriage, or both, because people are having children at rapid rates, younger in life, and people are rushing to get married for the right and wrong reasons, at younger ages also. The reality is by being that exclusionary, its another way of making your dating pool a dating puddle. Its hard enough to find a good person to date, don't make it damn near impossible.

Excluding people that have children already or have been married before is selfish, controlling, shows a lack of maturity, and it its judgmental as hell. Its very Ivory tower moment. You want people to accept you and your past, correct? Yet you are unwilling to even consider someone that has been married before or has a child. Shame on you. the same way things in your life, your past, are a package deal, that goes for other people.  A child is most certainly a package deal. A marriage is a no different than a past relationship. And why should you judge someone for a past relationship like that. They’ve gotten over their past and so should you. This comes back to prioritization, once again, the type of people you want and the type you are attracted to are not always the same type of people. Well this is not so much physical but characteristic based.

People from both groups (parents and divorced) and a lot of time people are apart of both groups are usually more responsible, goal oriented, mature, and have less times for games, they know exactly what they want and will not put up with. Things that we all claim to want characteristic wise from a potential partner. So it would behoove you to not exclude the group of people most likely to have those characteristics. Im not saying look  there exclusively, but don’t filter them out the pool for those petty reasons.  You can tell a lot about someone based on their relationship with their kids, the other parent and/or their former spouse. 

Listen to the way they talk about their former spouse, it can be very telling. It can tell you what type of person you are dealing , do they blame everything on themselves, other people, take no responsibility, do they forgive, do they try to work things out,
etc,etc.

I said it once , ill say it again, people don’t always come to you the way you imagined, you may meet somebody that is perfect for you that is not what you stereotypically look for in a mate. Immature people turn people away for not meeting their laundry list of unnecessary expectations and requirements. In this case they have past experiences that you don’t.  Mature people realize that maybe they should give people a chance and not judge . Karma is , you know, it would make sense that you give people that have been divorced or have children a chance, and not prejudge and filter them out. With approximately 41% of marriages ending in divorce, and approximately 25% of children being raised by single parents and numbers projected to continually climb, you could realistically end up apart of the group, and it aint no fun when the shoe is on the other foot. So be fair, adult and just in your dealings, in your spare time look up statistics for divorce, second marriages, second divorces and things, it’ll put the world we live in in perspective for you, Im not trying to scare but trying to prepare you, for what could happen. Knowing all the risk and probabilities has always served me well.  Anyways, my advice, my experience, my perspective. Whats your ? Sound off