Too Much to soon

Greetings good people, friends and supporters, so we’re getting close to Valentines Day, one of the last major pressure holidays for a while.  What do I mean by pressure, its one of the holidays (besides, Thanksgiving and Christmas) where people like to be social and more so than other holidays want to spend it with someone. Because our society has made it seem as if it is complete and utterly shameful to be single on Valentines day, and due to the mass advertising and media images many are willing to sell out and buy into the propaganda and make unhealthy relationship decisions just to be with someone and receive something on Valentines Day. If you want a date fine, but don’t go overboard and deceive yourself or someone else by doing too much too soon and then regretting it later in the year.

Gifts – A quick way to confuse someone ladies and gentleman is to give a gift or, payclose attention, “receive “ a gift that is above the level of the relationship you are at or wish to be. Especially for gift giving Holidays ,people tend to try to out do themselves to be original or to really get a point across strongly about how much they like someone.  This is something that needs to be discussed, research it if you need to. But don’t let someone purchase you or you take a gift above the level you are currently at, because certain gifts make a definite statement and up the ante majorly.  Examples, if ya’ll are just friends, or casually dating,  jewelry, expensive restaurants or shows, and high end products and services are a no no.  Even if its flowers no more than a half dozen roses for someone you are not seriously seriously interested in, especially around V-day when the price goes way up.  All I’m saying is this, carnations make a statement, roses make a stronger statement, but orchids make a hell of a statement. Storebought roses make a statement, custom arrangements delivered make a major statemenest. A rose says something, a dozen plus says something completely different.  Set a price range that both of you will spend, and don’t go over it, like a $75 limit for everything you want to do, for a young relationship or something not very serious.   Set limits.

Sex – Ok ladies I know around this time the sex shops/ adult stores, Victoria Secret, and Fredrick’s of Hollywood, etc., etc., etc. put out all kinds of sexy lingerie and costumes and you want to get sexy and show off for someone.  I think it goes with out saying that sexual relations are probably the main, too much too soon. Only second on the list because usually the dates or gifts set up the feelings that sex may be needed or that it may be ok to proceed to that part of the relationship, prematurely. If you are not at the sexual part of the relationship stages / process, do not in the heat of passion, loneliness, and/or pressure skip ahead and give your body ,expecting it to become a relationship just because it was romantic and valentines day and it seemed like a good idea at the time or it seemed expected. Do not plan or accept a romantic encounter that is above the level of the relationship you are at, because if it happens on V-day, the day of love so called, it’s a major statement.   If you’re already having sex, don’t raise the level and put pressure on your self, trying to impress someone for Valentines especially if you can’t maintain that level or wish to maintain that level.  I hear a lot of fantasy and freaky plans, but don’t go above your level and confuse yourself and your partner unless ya’ll have a conversation about fulfilling fantasies or something, discussion is key, or you will set yourself up for failure and confusion.

Vacations – I’ve been hearing a lot of dudes talking about taking vacations and out of town trips this year. I want to make this clear, vacation and out of town over night trips are major statements about where your relationship is or where you wish for it to go. It’s not something you do just to try and impress someone, or get some. And ladies if you are not ready for that level of relationship or better yet ,if you know he is not, do not accept, I know a lot of ladies like say, if he’s buying I’m taking, but you are setting yourself up for major headache and drama and misunderstanding.  Staying the night together is a very strong statement, a stay in a hotel is like 3 times as strong, but a vacation/ out of town trip is a major league statement.

Many of people have confused people, lead on, and broken hearts by giving and especially receiving gifts way above the level that they were at. If it doesn’t feel right don’t accept the gift. How do you know how it feels, would you give that person a gift of that magnitude, right now, if No don’t take it either. Just because its V-day doesn’t mean that things have to get awkward, grimy, or confusing. Keep it straight, keep it safe and on the level.  It’s too early in the year to start drama, and we’re trying to have a drama free year and love life.  Until Next Time.

My opinion, my experiences, my perspective.  What’s Yours ? Sound off .

Slin-K

@slin_k_polymath

slin-k-polymath.tumblr.com

The Age Old Question pt 3 : Is Age really just a Number ( what if you’re older) ?

So  were stilling dealing with this age issue, in an attempt to make people stop worrying about dumb and small issue and relationships or potential relationships, and worry more about the character of the people you date, would date or want to date. Often times people cant find a suitable mate because they have a “ type” , and that type is missing a word, stereo. People have a stereotype of what they want or usually date. And remember when you if you spend to much time filtering people out you end up filtering out good candidates because of small insignificant reasons , that have nothing to do with love. Read some of my earlier blogs and you’ll see what I'm talking about. I'm not saying except anything, but it takes way too much time and energy too over analyze, over fantasize, over romanticize and quite frankly be too picky and past over good people for childish reasons, with absolutely no results to show for it. Being overly picky, unable to make a decision and make best of of a situation,and never being satisfied are childish traits

So lets open up those minds explore a few reasons why if you’re older, dating a younger person may be a much needed change, and reason to not discriminate against them. After all who says the love of your life is going to be your age or older, so explore all your dating options and don’t limit yourselves. As always we’ll look at the possible drawbacks, not drawbacks challenges, because all relationships have challenges.

If you’re Older dating a younger person comes with some significant benefits that you cant find in necessarily dating someone your age or older. Younger people are usually not stubborn , and completely set in their ways yet. They are still figuring out what they like, so they are still open to new stuff and willing to explore new options. Even if its something simple like a new vacation destination or new restaurant. Problem with a lot of older people is they are set in what and how they like to do things and not very open to change, they may do them but with reluctancy, they’ve lost their sense of adventure. To loosely quote Chris Rock, I like my coffee, like this my steak like that and I like to have sex like this and if you aint trying to to get with that get the hell on. And too many people are like that.  Energetic , people younger than yourself, even if just by a few years they are sill full of zeal of energy. They are still interested in having fun, getting out and being active, seeing and doing things, just because you settle down doesn't mean you have to be boring and a constant homebody. that's a misconception. Younger people are spontaneous, they haven’t settled in to a routine, and can help you break out of yours. They’ll come with different demands and push you out of your comfort zone a lil bit, and that's encouraging. Young people still have dreams - they still hope, wish, sometimes when we get older we get to bogged down with reality and only see the negative , we forget how to dream and wonder, we limit ourselves mentally and stop dreaming, young people remind you how to do that. They bring a fresh perspective to your life. They will Modernize you- Young people will keep you up to date on whats going in the world so you don’t fall behind the times, rather tats social media, or fashion or the new technology.  Sexually they bring a totally different energy, still energetic, exciting, willing to experiment and willing to learn if possible.  These are just a few generalizations but they are to be considered

As always every relationship has its challenges, so consider theses if you’re older and looking at a younger mate. Not consistent - that fact that they don’t necessarily have a routine is a double edged sword, makes them harder to put a bead on. You’ve heard heard the saying , the best predictor of future is past behavior, and if they don’t have a pattern established yet, sporadic is their pattern. And that's a bit much for some. Its a lesson in patience if nothing else, but remember especially for someone under 30, and definitely under 25, they are just starting life and getting into it, you didn’t have it all together at that age either. Not ready to settle down yet, once again they are just starting life, they believe they have all the time in the world, age hasn’t hit them yet, many don’t think about 5, ten years down the line at 35, let alone in their early mid 20’s. So they think in terms of one day, but in an unspecified way. Many young people don’t have a concept of time or money yet, I do  high school/college workshops and many have not even thought about what happens after college, when the financial aid runs out, what then. College lulls you to sleep on reality for many. Young people can also be a drain on you, just trying to keep up with them and their energy. It can also be a mental work out to try to figure them out sometimes. And quite possible like teaching or parenting, especially if they are not very mature, or you think that they are not equipped with proper life skills or or are out of touch with reality. I mean if dating a younger person this can perhaps be the biggest challenge, because their outlook effects how the two of you can be together. You don’t want to always argue or feel the need to lecture someone about how they think or act, or worry about how it would affect you if you moved in together or got married etc. The generation gap is so real, and it can effect your relate-ability to each other because you have different cultural and social markers, milestones and memories. Younger people have generally a different  brand of fun, though process etc.

The key to dating people of different ages, adaptability. If you can adapt , adjust, compromise, be willing to try and work with someone it can be  a splendid experience. So once again explore you options and don't limit yourself.

My opinion, my experience, my perspective , Whats yours ?
Sound off

Slin-K
@slin_k_polymath
slin-k-polymath.tumblr.com

The Substitute Boyfriend

Greeting people the following blog is sttus one of my good fiends posted on Facebook, and it was too great to not share with the masses, because I try to give sound relationship advice on this blog. Its so true and brilliantly broken down that I wished I had, so what the next best thing share. I hop you enjoy , but most importantly apply it and analyze yourselves. This following was written in its entirety by Samuel Pierre

Although I have personally disproved the falsehood of nice guys finish last and have learned how to never get in the "friend zone" and how to get out of it and stay out of it(and I'm not telling), one position that women put men in that still makes me smh is the SUBSTITUTE BOYFRIEND. This dysfunctional relationship takes on many forms and happens even if the guy does not like the girl. 1. You remind a girl of the guy that she actually wants but he doesnt like her. 2. She doesnt like you but is lonely so leads you on just for the attention. 3. She knows you like her but for reasons all her own, treats you like her man, even though it is not official. This is different frm 2 because she actually likes you too. 4. She is using you to learn from a real man how to mold her actual man, your feelings for her be damned. 5. She is using you as a placeholder "just in case". Usually just in case the guy she likes "comes around". 6. She is attracted to you physically but not in other ways or vice versa. ‎7. She knows you dont like her but thinks she can change your mind so tries to entice you into a relationship you dont want, all the while she has an actual man. Very hard to tell who is the actual substitute in this case. 8. She knows she made a mistake and is trying to take you out of the "friend zone" she put you in against your will.9. For some reason she has become very needy with her guy friend and she makes this guy her man. Soon after she abandons him with no explanation.10. She is just plain evil and likes playing with mens' feelings. BONUS: When her man is absent or lacking in any way, she brings in a substitute or few. I think you all can see that the running theme is one man being temporarily replaced by another,or one man being used as a placeholder until the "right one" comes along or "comes around". Think substitute teacher. I am sure you can think of other situations i missed that fit the label. -  Samuel Pierre

The Age Old Question pt 2 : Is age really Just A Number ( if you’re younger)

Happy New Year! I know its been a while since I blogged, but I’ve been extremely busy, but hope all has been going well with you, your life, loved ones and relationships. At the end of last year we kind of were talking about exploring dating options, because if you do what you always do, and experience what you always experience, you get what you always got. So this being a New Year and new beginnings we gone try and open up different options about relationships that people seem to have a problem exploring . We left off on Age, and I think we have some loose ends to handle with it.

So, The Age Old question is , Is Age Really Just a Number ? There’s no clear cut answer but it Depends.  So lets look at it from the perspective of Dating up, if you’re the younger person. With all relationships of course there's potential Benefits and Drawbacks so lets think about what possible ones could come up.

If you are a younger person and you find someone interesting thats older, there are some great benefits to dating someone older. In general older people are usually mature already, we all talk about wanting someone mature. Established - Most of us don’t want someone we have to take care of, especially when we’re young and don’t have much ourselves. But also because they are established, they set example of what you want to become. Different experiences - Older people usually offer different experiences, they have different interest,  so it can be a nice change, they may introduce you to some different things and alternative dates. Conversation - Because they have different experiences and are more mature they typically have if not better, at least a different type of conversation to bring to the table. Sexually - Usually more experienced, hopefully they’ve learned to please and deliver pleasure, but more so they usually know more about sex, not just as an act  but as a connection. Beyond that usually into a lil more than the norm so they can expand your experiences. Focus - Older men and women usually know what they want, and are very upfront in letting you know that, and we all want honesty, just be able to appreciate that honesty. Older men and women at a certain age are usually looking for relationships that are more stable, and more serious and they don’t have time to play around about it, so typically less games. Motivation -  You meet and have a chance to go on some dates or date an older person, even if it doesn’t work out, the time spent with them usually affects you for the better. It makes you learn to focus, it teaches you to slow down a lil bit and learn to do something other than live the fast wild young life. You learn hopefully what class, style, grace, etc are. the maturity they have will rub off on you, and affect your drive, ambition and overall outlook on life and relationships.

Drawbacks - There’s possible drawbacks but you have to evaluate them for yourself.
Intimidating - Depending on how much older and how established it can be very intimidating being with a older person because you don't feel like you stack up, but remember its not about that they like being with you for a reason, if that was the issue you wouldn't be there, so don't make it one. Parenting - Some times being with an older person can be like dating  an extra  parent, because they may always want to advise or try to boss you around, remember its a relationship not a parent child relationship, they are totally different. But you may experience a level of it, and rightly so because they have been through what you are going through or may go through, so take the advice, but make your own decisions. Set in their ways - a problem with some older women and men is routine, they like things a certain way, they are accustomed to it and they want it like that all the time. And for a younger person that may be boring. Uncompromising - Some older people are not down with change , they are behind the time and stay only in their comfort level, they have no sense of adventure or risk they only do what they always have and what they know works for them. It can extend to other things also, but its the unwillingness to change or see a new or modern perspective that's a problem.  Seriousness - Some older people are to mature, they forget how to sit back cut loose and wild out and be young at hear, even if for a lil while. The get to uppity in their established roles. For a younger person that would be a dry relationship. Its cool to slow down or settle down, but not to the point that you no longer feel alive and young and free, and we all should feel that no matter what age.


To date an older person, just like everything you do, weigh options. But explore the option, once again if you do what you’ve always done, you get what you’ve always got. We know the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So expand your options, there is no guarantee that the person you are meant to be with will be same age as you.

My opinion, my belief,  my experience m my perspective. What’s Yours? Sound Off

Slin-K
@slin_k_polymath
slin-k-polymath.tumblr.com