Don’t Gift above your level

By: Johnny Brownlee II

 [Gift Exchange]. Retrieved Novemeber 25,2016 from: http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-a-white-elephant-gift-exchange.htm

The holiday season is upon, it’s supposed to be a time of joy, celebration, and family. But for many the holiday season is also associated with high-stress levels; from extra workloads, events, family, and shopping. From long lines to dealing with expectations, to the impending financial burden and sometimes debt; gift giving can put turn the holiday into a nightmare. According to a 2015 Harris Poll conducted for NerdWallet and TransUnion people who were in relationships planned to spend and an average of $338 on their significant others during the holiday season. For those navigating the tricky dating world, it can be very stressful trying to figure out what to buy a person of interest, someone you’re talking to or someone you’re in a new relationship with; especially after seeing all the extravagant surprises, engagements, and gifts your other friends will inevitably post about. One can easily get wrapped up in trying to keep up with the Jones’s during the holidays. For those with relationships that aren’t solidified or for those that just really love to shop, but don’t want the disappointment of giving more than you get or giving a gift that may be inappropriate for your level of relationship here are a few gifts one should not consider giving.
Trips / Vacations – If you are in relationship limbo, where things can go either way or you're still figuring out where it’s headed; taking a vacation or road trip together is moving a tad bit fast. There is no need to try to impress anyone. If you want to take an elaborate vacation with friends or family as a gift to yourself do that; but for a relationship you’re unsure if it will last, it’s the wrong move. If you want to do something with the person you’re dating maybe do a staycation in a hotel together. And if you’re heading home or to be with family, it's not the time to take the boo. Avoid introducing people to family until you’ve reached a stable level, family introductions put too much pressure on yourself and your partner, especially if it's not serious or uncertain where it's heading.
Jewelry – For some reason jewelry creates expectations of either more to come or deeper levels of commitment; especially gaudy or expensive jewelry. No matter whether it’s a ring, bracelet, watch or earrings; jewelry brings outside pressure which can eventually work its way into the relationship, where people begin to believe the relationship is heading towards an engagement. Jewelry usually symbolizes that someone is extremely serious about another person. The only exception to this rule is craft jewelry, which is an excellent gift for a person that is into it.
Pets – It seems like the ultimate “awwww” gift. But in reality, it's something that should be planned for and well thought out. Having a pet is like having a child; you need to have ample time, space and money to take care of this additional life and its needs. Before you go down the road of being co-pet-parents, make sure the relationship is actually going to last. Just like children, pets have emotions and get attached to people; and if you to separate and can get messy deciding who keeps the pets or visitation.
Matching gifts – Matching watches, outfits, cars; whatever it is, implies a deep connection, a future and that at some point we’ll be seen together matching. First things first, in order for the matching thing to work, the other person has to be into that type of thing. Secondly you have to have a serious shot at a future together, otherwise, it looks like you’re jumping from one step to a future step. Also, you want to avoid gifts that are kind of about you more than the other person.

Remember the holiday are in the prime of cuffing season and a significant number of relationships of convenience usually happen because people within our normal social circles are traveling home, spending time with significant others, and many of us make bad relationship decisions/ relax our standards because we don’t want to spend the season alone. If you desire to exchange gifts with someone you’ve recently met or in a relationship that hasn’t fully developed yet; keep it simple. Set limits that don’t that don’t tax your budgets, say under $50 or $100. Don’t ask for anything you wouldn’t accept, expect or buy for the person. Gift cards, gift baskets, or something made with your hands are always nice. If all else fails or you don’t want to exchange gifts, go on an extra date and get to know each more. Don’t mess up your finances or emotional state by giving someone an engaged level gift, when the two of you are just talking at best.

[Black-Christmas-Couple]. Retrieved November 25,2016 from: http://communityjournal.net/tag/holidays/

Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath

Too Much to soon

Greetings good people, friends and supporters, so we’re getting close to Valentines Day, one of the last major pressure holidays for a while.  What do I mean by pressure, its one of the holidays (besides, Thanksgiving and Christmas) where people like to be social and more so than other holidays want to spend it with someone. Because our society has made it seem as if it is complete and utterly shameful to be single on Valentines day, and due to the mass advertising and media images many are willing to sell out and buy into the propaganda and make unhealthy relationship decisions just to be with someone and receive something on Valentines Day. If you want a date fine, but don’t go overboard and deceive yourself or someone else by doing too much too soon and then regretting it later in the year.

Gifts – A quick way to confuse someone ladies and gentleman is to give a gift or, payclose attention, “receive “ a gift that is above the level of the relationship you are at or wish to be. Especially for gift giving Holidays ,people tend to try to out do themselves to be original or to really get a point across strongly about how much they like someone.  This is something that needs to be discussed, research it if you need to. But don’t let someone purchase you or you take a gift above the level you are currently at, because certain gifts make a definite statement and up the ante majorly.  Examples, if ya’ll are just friends, or casually dating,  jewelry, expensive restaurants or shows, and high end products and services are a no no.  Even if its flowers no more than a half dozen roses for someone you are not seriously seriously interested in, especially around V-day when the price goes way up.  All I’m saying is this, carnations make a statement, roses make a stronger statement, but orchids make a hell of a statement. Storebought roses make a statement, custom arrangements delivered make a major statemenest. A rose says something, a dozen plus says something completely different.  Set a price range that both of you will spend, and don’t go over it, like a $75 limit for everything you want to do, for a young relationship or something not very serious.   Set limits.

Sex – Ok ladies I know around this time the sex shops/ adult stores, Victoria Secret, and Fredrick’s of Hollywood, etc., etc., etc. put out all kinds of sexy lingerie and costumes and you want to get sexy and show off for someone.  I think it goes with out saying that sexual relations are probably the main, too much too soon. Only second on the list because usually the dates or gifts set up the feelings that sex may be needed or that it may be ok to proceed to that part of the relationship, prematurely. If you are not at the sexual part of the relationship stages / process, do not in the heat of passion, loneliness, and/or pressure skip ahead and give your body ,expecting it to become a relationship just because it was romantic and valentines day and it seemed like a good idea at the time or it seemed expected. Do not plan or accept a romantic encounter that is above the level of the relationship you are at, because if it happens on V-day, the day of love so called, it’s a major statement.   If you’re already having sex, don’t raise the level and put pressure on your self, trying to impress someone for Valentines especially if you can’t maintain that level or wish to maintain that level.  I hear a lot of fantasy and freaky plans, but don’t go above your level and confuse yourself and your partner unless ya’ll have a conversation about fulfilling fantasies or something, discussion is key, or you will set yourself up for failure and confusion.

Vacations – I’ve been hearing a lot of dudes talking about taking vacations and out of town trips this year. I want to make this clear, vacation and out of town over night trips are major statements about where your relationship is or where you wish for it to go. It’s not something you do just to try and impress someone, or get some. And ladies if you are not ready for that level of relationship or better yet ,if you know he is not, do not accept, I know a lot of ladies like say, if he’s buying I’m taking, but you are setting yourself up for major headache and drama and misunderstanding.  Staying the night together is a very strong statement, a stay in a hotel is like 3 times as strong, but a vacation/ out of town trip is a major league statement.

Many of people have confused people, lead on, and broken hearts by giving and especially receiving gifts way above the level that they were at. If it doesn’t feel right don’t accept the gift. How do you know how it feels, would you give that person a gift of that magnitude, right now, if No don’t take it either. Just because its V-day doesn’t mean that things have to get awkward, grimy, or confusing. Keep it straight, keep it safe and on the level.  It’s too early in the year to start drama, and we’re trying to have a drama free year and love life.  Until Next Time.

My opinion, my experiences, my perspective.  What’s Yours ? Sound off .

Slin-K

@slin_k_polymath

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