Don’t Gift above your level

By: Johnny Brownlee II

 [Gift Exchange]. Retrieved Novemeber 25,2016 from: http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-a-white-elephant-gift-exchange.htm

The holiday season is upon, it’s supposed to be a time of joy, celebration, and family. But for many the holiday season is also associated with high-stress levels; from extra workloads, events, family, and shopping. From long lines to dealing with expectations, to the impending financial burden and sometimes debt; gift giving can put turn the holiday into a nightmare. According to a 2015 Harris Poll conducted for NerdWallet and TransUnion people who were in relationships planned to spend and an average of $338 on their significant others during the holiday season. For those navigating the tricky dating world, it can be very stressful trying to figure out what to buy a person of interest, someone you’re talking to or someone you’re in a new relationship with; especially after seeing all the extravagant surprises, engagements, and gifts your other friends will inevitably post about. One can easily get wrapped up in trying to keep up with the Jones’s during the holidays. For those with relationships that aren’t solidified or for those that just really love to shop, but don’t want the disappointment of giving more than you get or giving a gift that may be inappropriate for your level of relationship here are a few gifts one should not consider giving.
Trips / Vacations – If you are in relationship limbo, where things can go either way or you're still figuring out where it’s headed; taking a vacation or road trip together is moving a tad bit fast. There is no need to try to impress anyone. If you want to take an elaborate vacation with friends or family as a gift to yourself do that; but for a relationship you’re unsure if it will last, it’s the wrong move. If you want to do something with the person you’re dating maybe do a staycation in a hotel together. And if you’re heading home or to be with family, it's not the time to take the boo. Avoid introducing people to family until you’ve reached a stable level, family introductions put too much pressure on yourself and your partner, especially if it's not serious or uncertain where it's heading.
Jewelry – For some reason jewelry creates expectations of either more to come or deeper levels of commitment; especially gaudy or expensive jewelry. No matter whether it’s a ring, bracelet, watch or earrings; jewelry brings outside pressure which can eventually work its way into the relationship, where people begin to believe the relationship is heading towards an engagement. Jewelry usually symbolizes that someone is extremely serious about another person. The only exception to this rule is craft jewelry, which is an excellent gift for a person that is into it.
Pets – It seems like the ultimate “awwww” gift. But in reality, it's something that should be planned for and well thought out. Having a pet is like having a child; you need to have ample time, space and money to take care of this additional life and its needs. Before you go down the road of being co-pet-parents, make sure the relationship is actually going to last. Just like children, pets have emotions and get attached to people; and if you to separate and can get messy deciding who keeps the pets or visitation.
Matching gifts – Matching watches, outfits, cars; whatever it is, implies a deep connection, a future and that at some point we’ll be seen together matching. First things first, in order for the matching thing to work, the other person has to be into that type of thing. Secondly you have to have a serious shot at a future together, otherwise, it looks like you’re jumping from one step to a future step. Also, you want to avoid gifts that are kind of about you more than the other person.

Remember the holiday are in the prime of cuffing season and a significant number of relationships of convenience usually happen because people within our normal social circles are traveling home, spending time with significant others, and many of us make bad relationship decisions/ relax our standards because we don’t want to spend the season alone. If you desire to exchange gifts with someone you’ve recently met or in a relationship that hasn’t fully developed yet; keep it simple. Set limits that don’t that don’t tax your budgets, say under $50 or $100. Don’t ask for anything you wouldn’t accept, expect or buy for the person. Gift cards, gift baskets, or something made with your hands are always nice. If all else fails or you don’t want to exchange gifts, go on an extra date and get to know each more. Don’t mess up your finances or emotional state by giving someone an engaged level gift, when the two of you are just talking at best.

[Black-Christmas-Couple]. Retrieved November 25,2016 from: http://communityjournal.net/tag/holidays/

Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath

The overlooked / missed lessons of Straight Outta Compton

With the release of the Straight Outta Compton movie, I expect that NWA will have a bunch of new fans and people exposed to their music; which is a great thing. Lord knows we need people exposed to real hip hop and hip hop history. But while were caught up in the much deserved hype, it was a great movie their were some things that the average person that saw the movie probably overlooked/ didn’t know,  and some of them are great lessons/ messages that shouldn’t be overlooked, regardless of all negative things people have wrote about. * Warning possible SPOILER ALERTS

1. The Importance and complete leaving out of certain members. If you’ve seen the movie, it's heavily focuses on Ice Cube, Dr. Dre and Easy- E; the three best known members. But the movie kind of makes it seem as if MC Ren and DJ Yella were just back ground, which is not at all true

For those that don’t know MC Ren is one of the primary writers for the group, especially after Ice Cube leaves. In the movie DOC is given his props but not so much Ren. Also after the group breaks up, Ren has some solo success, his first solo album approaches gold, and his first EP goes platinum.

DJ Yella was the primary turnatablist for the group, but he was not just the dj. He was also a producer, often co producing with Dr. Dre. His work as a producer is on every NWA album, including Easy-E’s solo album Eazy-Duz-It. After the group split he overlooks the making of Bone Thugs N Harmony’s album and produced their hit “Foe tha Love of $”

Now the person you may not know and who was completely left out the film was a lesser known founding member named Arabian Prince. Why he was left out of the film entirely, who knows? However he was a kind of a do it all member providing writing, and production. He left the group in 88, but his work, vocals and contributions can be found on Straight Outta Compton, the previous lesser known first album NWA and the Posse.

2. Knowing the business. The people that were successful were the ones that knew the business and stayed up on the business. Ice Cube was insistent about getting his fair share and signing his contract. He noticed when he and the others were being exploited early on. When it was time to sign his contract, he insisted on letting a lawyer review it because he knew he didn’t understand the language.  He did the same thing with his solo career. He knew the difference and importance between being a worker and owner, when no one else did or would listen. 

Dr. Dre would learn this lesson the hard way, and learn that Ice Cube was right. And it’s a mistake he would not make twice.

3. The Strength, support of the women in their lives - The people that you have in your life can affect you rise and down fall also. The women that Ice Cube, Eazy-E and Dr. Dre pursued in the movie were instrumental in their growth and maturity as family men and business men.

The women in their lives encourage them to pursue their own dreams; they support them in it. The women in their lives that carry themselves differently and are not impressed by their celebrity are the ones that stick around.

Eazy-E doesn’t pay attention to his company’s financial situations until Tomica offers to look over the paperwork and shows him what she finds.

Ice Cube has the courage to leave NWA but he really gets focused once he meets Kim She helps him understand the debts to which NWA were dissing him, which lead to the greatest hip hop diss record of all time “ No Vaseline”. She was his business partner.  

Dr. Dre’s love interest Nicole, forces him to mature by what she accepts from him and the boundaries she sets for him. She lets him know that her child is her first priority, she doesn’t jump at the opportunity to sleep with him, she doesn’t jump at the opportunity to give up her independence and move in with him, she tell him she needs to think about things because its moving fast, and after the date she stops him at letting him walk her to the door, she doesn’t allow him to come up stairs and make it a night cap.

The women that carried themselves differently, had different expectations, and were supportive helped them grow and mature.

4. It’s Business not personal - One of the major lessons learned in the movie is that friends, even good friends can’t always work / be in business together.  Stubbornness and conflicting principles completely tore the group apart.  Ice Cube didn’t like beuracratcy, he didn’t want to talk to the group’s manager about money and contracts, he wanted to talk the owner (Eazy-E).

The artist also had to learn self preservation. They had to learn that they believed in themselves and loved themselves enough to leave bad situations. They had to wrestle with the notion that to leave a bad business situation was business, not personal. Ultimately they had to look out for and be loyal to themselves and their families, bad business is not good for friendships.

Even when the diss records started to fly and the embarrassment was being handed out on a silver platter, they were able to all understand that it was just entertainment. Nobody got shot, killed; and when they interacted with ach other in future, they were always able to talk regardless of how hot headed the entourages around them may have desired to be.

A lot has been written about the film. A lot was covered in the film and a lot left out. All in all it’s a really good movie. Could certain things have been covered or put in certainly. However with all of the criticism, its still a good movie and we’ve got to understand its business, The movie is two and a half hours long, and an hour was shaved off to make it that long, so we have no clue what was taken out.  Some negative events were left out, chalk that up to the benefits of owning your brand. People have complained about Ice Cubes son getting the role (even though he totally carried it) and Dr. Dre’s character being misrepresented as an uber nice guy to women and tough guy in the streets; but they were both producers of the film. When you are directing your own, biopic, and control your brand; you put in the parts that you want to know. History is defined by who is telling the story.


Slin-K

@slin_k_polymath on Twitter/ Instagram

Some of you are in relationships and don’t even know it

Some of you are in relationships and don’t even know it, intimately dating at that, yet refuse to acknowledge or claim it.

What do I mean?

Some of you have met your soul mate and turned them away?

Who? Where are they located?

They’re in the friend zone, right where you banished them.

“But we’re friends there is nothing intimate about that” (in your sarcasm annoyed voice. Disappointed because you thought I had new info huh?  Disappointed because you’re in denial that it’s true.)

WRONG! You have some one that has given you the main ingredients of a relationship: love, support, and intimacy. Someone who guards your feeling, emotions, mental well-being and your heart. You obviously trust them. If you have a problem they’d gladly solve it if possible or at least listen and support. Being their friend is a never-ending journey and full of surprises, guess what, that’s spontaneity. If all of this were to ever stop, and you two were no longer friends, guess what it’d feel just like a break up; your heart would hurt, you’d be emotional, you ‘d reminisce, etc.

Why would you push something so good away or even more foolish recommend it for someone rather than yourself? Don’t you deserve to be loved right also? You already are being loved right so why would you give it away? If you tried to hook them up with say, one of your female friends, you’d be doing everyone a disservice. Because said female is subject to ask, “ if he’s that good, why have you passed on him?” And that’s a great question why is he good enough for her and not you? Stick situation isn’t it? There’s no good answer either.

Some of you are in relationships and don’t know it. Because you’re not even really single, you’re holding out for better. Possibly being greedy. You’re setting up a scenario to have your cake and eat it too. So the question is why do you need to emotionally occupy this person and risk the chance of damaging both them and yourself? Why do you need/ want both them and another person? The rich truly get richer huh? There are already too many bitter men and emotionally damaged women, and stuff like this can damage men and make them emotionally absent.  

Women often don’t want to leave bad or unproductive relationships because of time invested, yet most are hesitant to stay in, pursue or further explore a good one that they’ve already invested time in (smh, tisk tisk).

I mean you have all that you ever want in this friendship, you have someone that accepts and loves you for you. If you can’t be yourself around the person you're with, it’s not your partner, and you already have it in this friend. Someone that misses you and thinks about you when you’re gone, and wants to be around you when you’re around, how is this not idea exactly? Someone who does the little things, little gifts, small conversations that make bad days better, makes holidays and birthdays special just so you aren't let out because your single. Because you meet those types of dudes everyday, right?

Your friend is ideal; by being their friend you’ve already done the hard part of the relationship work. You’ve taken your time to get to know them; they’re still around so they are obviously worth it. You’ve been earned and you’ve earned them, because we don’t give friendship away, people earn our company, earn our friendship, they earn the right to know us emotionally. You have what many people in relationships and marriages wish for intimacy.  You do realize that at most engagements, weddings, and anniversary, heck even funerals you hear people say they married their best friends, and the person that compliments them. Who ever you choose to be with should be the reciprocal of yourself, why reject that? Why take that person for granted? You mean a person is good enough to know your secrets, desires of your hearts, hopes, dreams and maybe even your fantasies, yet not good enough to date?  WTH?

You have a person that encourages you, wants to see you happy, make you happy and willingly supports you, and that’s not enough? Unbelievable!

“Friends” is a convenient excuse. Being “ just Friends” takes the pressure off of the maintenance part of a relationship. But, in actuality you’ve already been doing the maintenance and upkeep of a relationship, any friendship requires maintenance of the relationship. Once again you’ve already done the hard parts, the parts that most single people find so difficult about dating and getting to know people and trusting them. The only thing you two haven’t done is officially declared yourselves exclusive to each other. You have the best friends with benefits ever, the benefit of actual friendship.

So what they are not everything that you want? Guess what nobody is, but they’ll be everything you need. So what they’re not the person you saw for yourself. Means you found a diamond in the rough, or love in an unexpected place. Someone once told me that love is like a hole in the ground, if you look for it, you’ll never fall in it. It’s found you, why can’t you embrace that? It’s not about your first choice; it’s about the right choice. The fact that both of you have remained single in the flowers of love, just maybe confirmation.  It’s spoiled and childish to hold out for better if you when you have a winner. It’s immature and an insult to your friendship to decide that dating them is settling. Settling for what? Happiness is that a bad compromise for a backup plans and second choice. IJS its craziness to me, but what do I know? 

That’s my perspective at least, and it’s my experience. What’s yours?

Slin_K
@slin_k_polymath

Is your selection Process the Real Handicap ?

 

 

What’s happening family it’s been a long, long, time since I posted something. I ‘ve been busy speaking, traveling, and haven’t had any articles/ topics that I was really interested in or believed in to write about, its part of being a writer and apart of a collective, sometimes you get things you’re not interested in. But you have to pay the bills, right?

Well as of late we’ve been dealing a lot with preferences, in this blog and in my “How Am I Still Single?” workshop, I deal a lot with preferences. Its my belief that many people are single, not only because they don’t know how to date, but also because they have too many requirements, obstacles, and hoops for people to jump through before liking someone enough to give them a chance. Having to many items on your checklist is a fantasy, and it’s also how people end up making their dating pool, into a dating puddle. Most times the things we think we need are merely wants, but we make wants bigger than actual needs for healthy relationships. We have so many filters for potential mates that we start to filter out good candidates also, to the point that Jesus himself wouldn’t be good enough.  

Had a conversation the other day with the collective and we had a letter about dating someone handicapped. So let me ask the question . Would you date/be interested in someone that’s handicapped? If you were dating/married to someone and they became handicap would you be less interested all of a sudden?

It’s a tough question for many, and when answered, all the wrong reasons and excuses come out for most people. The ever popular, love is unconditional phase pops up. However, like is not unconditional, and you cant fall in love with someone if you don’t like them and never give them a chance to date you. We cant say love is unconditional out of one side of our mouth, then find reasons to not give ourselves the chance to love/be loved by someone unconditionally, on the other side. Those that say “NO” are often worried about how others in society will perceive them.  Fellas imagine catching flack from your boys in a trash talk session or ladies when describing your new interest, wondering what the girls will think when you get to the in a wheel chair detail.  We often trap/ box in ourselves, not society, us and our way of thinking.

Many say they would not loose interest if they were already with someone and they ended up handicap. But for many, that’s about loyalty and not looking like a heartless person.

What does this say about us honestly? Is it fickle? Because even in our reasoning for not leaving, its about us and how we feel, not the handicap person. And for many of us to even deal with a handicap person we would have to have gone through the event that made them disabled with them. This from the equal opportunity generation? The MLK generation that is supposed to judge people by the content of their character.  We’re the diverse generation, in every way, except the types of people that we’ll date, and then we wonder how we got boxed in to this little pool of available people to date.

What is it about a handicap person that makes you just completely close your mind? We in the modern generation know of handicap people with abilities that exceed our own. They work, they go to school, they compete and stay active, they live normal and sometimes exciting lives and just want to be treated like everyone else, but many of us would deny them our affection.

Think on this, what if you met a man/woman, they were everything you hope, wish, and pray for in a mate.  They want the same things in life you want, you’re compatible, they’re available, they like you, they’re supportive of you, they make you happy, and they make you better. They complete/compliment you, but they are just not able bodied. This person is not a vegetable, they have a life, they are independent, they don’t need you to take care of them, they just want companionship and someone to love like everyone else. Would you walk away from that, because the disability was too much for you to overcome mentally? Would it bother you that much, that you’d rather stay single? You could be missing out on a soul mate being small/close minded.

Is it fickle? I believe so, its not that far from, “ I’m not color struck, I just like light skin girls” or “ I’m not a gold digger, I just like men that are successful or that have white collar jobs” or “ Its my preference”. Our Preferences are what make us fickle, especially when it’s something they can’t help. It’s a big difference from preferring someone that has ambition, is respectful, treats you right etc.

People often miss out on their blessing, because it didn’t come the way they though it would, it wasn’t wrapped up in the packaging they imagined it would be, so they reject the blessing. The blessing was given, prayer was answered, and you rejected it, accepted and went after something else. Your dating pool becomes a puddle. There are a lot of fish in the sea, but if you’re only going to fish in one area, you’ll always catch the same types of fish. Go further out and deeper down, and you’ll catch some different types of fish.

To each its own, but I think it’s crazy to completely right off and overlook an entire demographic of mature responsible people, especially when they want the same things in life we all want. Maybe we all should expand our thoughts, if we feel we could not be attracted/ interested in a person with a handicap, maybe we should question ourselves as to why and figure out what the real reasons are.

Just something to think about, until next time. My opinion, my experience, my perspective. What’s yours?

Slin-K

@slin_k_polymath on twitter

 

Space Try Some

Everybody is always trying to find and define successful relationships, hell we all want one. Of all the advice and elements that are gone over that are necessary ingredients in a successful relationship, one very important element is often overlooked and not mentioned, Space.  It’s so simple its brilliant, but its crucial and critical, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in or how long you’ve been at it.

You need space, time away from each other. The saying absence makes the heart grow funder is very true. Space not only gives you time to miss your mate, but it gives you time to do other stuff, like, have you time and clear your head. No matter what you say we’re all a little bit different around our mate as we are when we’re alone or with other people.

 Often time’s people pursue relationships with others, and give up the relationship with themselves. We too often give up our whole lives to be with someone else. We neglect friends, give up hobbies, stop pursuing goals, we make our relationships all about them, all the time, and its part of the reason why many people that want success believe that relationships are distracting. 

We too often in relationships build our life around our mates, and invest everything into them and the relationship, rather than include them in our life. We spend all our time on the phone with them, hang with them and exclude others. How many people do you know, you used to be close with, then they got someone in their lives and now you don’t know them anymore? Or, how many people do you know that after a break up, now they want to hang, or after a break up they don’t know how to readjust and get back into normal life? For many people in relationships, life becomes school, work and their mate.

However you can have it all, it just requires balance. 

The reason why we do this is because no one teaches us balance, no one teaches us how to date, or the importance of the relationship with ourselves. When we make some one else our life, we tread dangerous territory, because we get too close, too fast, and invest of ourselves too much and too hard.  And when investing as such in the express lane, to many times we have nothing or not enough to show for it, because we stop growing and developing and fostering our other relationships (family, friends, work, church, etc.) that made life so worth it while we were single.

So in your relationships include Space, its critical. It’s important to do things together, but do things apart also, some type of activity. That way, you can do things you like to do, with out compromise and you can include your friends. Use balance. Do things together, do things in groups, do things with your friends, and on occasion, rare occasions you can involve your mate in your alone activity, as they may want to sacrifice and do something with you just because you like it and vice versa.   So fellas go golf, play ball with the fellas, go to a sports event. Ladies do your book club, dinner, shopping with the girls. What ever it is you do, do your reading, your gardening, fixing on your car.  Space will keep peace and individuality in your relationship. How man people want someone up under them, with no life of their own all the time? Space Try some.

My opinion, my experience, my perspective. What’s yours?

Slin_K

@slin_k_polymath on twitter

The age old question : Is age really just a number ?

Its the age Old question, Is age really nothing but a number ? Is it really just a state of mind hmmm? Well the answer to that is yes and no depends on what we're talking about, in how you feel, yes, in you enthusiasm, yes, life in general, yes, but when you get specific such as relationships, age is definitely more than a number and more than state of mind.

While its true that maturity, knowledge wisdom, experience and the like are not mutually exclusive to age, they do play a significant role when it comes to relationships and dating. Age plays a great deal generally in our experiences and maturity  what we we believe is appropriate, what we desire in life and what we wish to share just to name a few.

There are benefits and problems to dating someone older or younger, and you should really consider being able. At least consider going on dates with people outside your age range, once again you don't know what you like to you try.   The major problem is finding the window and range to date them. Its easier to date outside your age range when you are older, above 25. 25 is about optimum because you can date up or down with a true range and still get the benefits. Below 25 you can only really date up, you cant really date down yet, not to boundaries of your possible range.

The hard thing about it is setting a proper range. I know we all know or have heard of some people dating people 10 +  years they jr or sr , but you can best believe its not easy. Its hard to date someone when your priorities in life are completely different, you want to attend a benefit dinner they want to go to the step show after party, you thinking about settling down and kids, they thinking about finishing school, you starting to think about retirement plans, they haven't even figured out they first job etc, etc

Age range can make it hard to relate to each other. I personally do 7 up and 7 down. Im 29 , so ill date between 22 and 36, but the extremes of that are pushing it. About 4 or 5 is about right, but ill gladly take a 20 yr old on a date but in order to get a relationship she gone have to be phenomenal. Ill break down the range in a later piece take this as a small intro to start thinking about.......


My experience, my opinion, my perspective

Slin-K
@slin_k_polymath

You've matured but your out look hasn't part 1

Its often said that the only thing consistent is change. You either learn to adapt to change or become a victim of it. Im getting older, and Im almost 30 now and as I change my expectations and standards change with me. Now I know this sounds like a duh moment, but for many of us its not true. I often encounter the questions where are the good men  or where are the good women, as if Im hiding them , lord knows let me know about the women.  But when talking to people about the type of people they wish to date there are two types of people they usually exclude, have never given real thought to, or have trouble dealing with, people with children and people that have been married previously.

This is extremely hard for my older friends and people I encounter in workshops. Lets deal with them individually and we’ll deal with the children issue first.

When you’re young dating someone that doesn’t have children is the norm. But the older you get and remain single, the harder it is to find someone , or expect that people don’t have children. When I first graduated high school I could easily neglect women with children, honestly I didn’t know but a few, but for each year after that the number of women in my circle and at my age level with children exponentially increased. The first time I encountered a woman I was interested in dating that had a kid , I was caught off guard, it was after I talked to my mom that she gave me some excellent advice that has served me well and I been sharing it ever since. She said the older you get more unlikely you are to find people without kids, reality sunk in immediately.

Now damn near 30 Im in the minority, people ask questions like why you don’t have kids or are shocked when I say I don’t have kids.  And with people having them younger and younger and at rapid rates, its more difficult to be single with out kids and find someone else that doesn’t have kids, probably than ever before.
I think people with kids get a bad wrap, we often say we want to avoid baby mama/baby daddy drama, but not all people with kids have bad relationships.

So how do you deal with the situation, first of all if you’re over age 24, get the idea that its impossible to encounter someone with kids about of your head, because more often than not they do or will.
1. Just because they have kids is not a bad thing, and not an indictment of the person.
2. Question about the relationship with the kid, you can tell a lot about a person based on how they feel about and talk about their children
3. Question the relationship with the other parent/parents, its going to be important to know
4. If you’re serious with this person considering higher levels, find out if they want more kids, especially if you

Don’t be stubborn, be realistic of the world you live in. Id love to not walk into already made family situation, I’d love to have my first child with someone that its also their first child, but whats the odds. There are an abundance of good women and men in the dating pool that have children, and people usually filter them out unnecessarily. Once again this is how you make your dating pool a dating puddle, by thinking irrationally and judgmentally.

Just know if you’re going to date someone with kids you generally have to raise your maturity level, because good mothers and fathers don’t have time for BS and they are not going to expose their kids to that none sense... well continue on next week, but just think about that, my experience, my perspective, what yours ? Sound off

What type of relationship are you in? : The intro

So Spring is officially over and were in the middle of Summer,  Its hot and women are dressing less guys are out hunting, its a time of fun, sun and leisure. And unfortunately the Spring /Summer time of year is also the time of bad relationship decisions. A lot of people make bad decisions  especially during this time of year, that will effect them way down the road in future relationships. 

A lot of relationships of all kinds jump off during this time of year, many relationships start and we meet new people because we go out more, we socialize more, we party more, we travel more, we stay out later, go on vacations and cruises etc. So we have more opportunities to meet people and get into relationships 

But a lot of relationships end around this time of year also and a lot of unhealthy decisions are made around this time of year. Think about the spring and summer flings. The rushes to hook up, skip parts of the process, and even potential to cheat during theses times of the year

Now cheating and bad decisions happen all times of the year, and after assisting in a few articles recently about cheating, it got me to thinking about alternative relationships. Most people don’t even know they have multiple options for relationships, because everybody so focuses on monogamy, but believe it or not not everyone is built for or desires monogamy in their relationships. A lot of people are in alternative relationships and don't even know. A lot of people opt in to monogamy knowing its not what they want, and  some expect it knowing that they are going to be unhappy by i, but want to avoid being taboo 

Im not endorsing anything or suggesting anything, but I think that every relationship regardless of titles should have boundaries and rules, and there should be known consequences, repercussion and penalties for not respecting those rules. It doesn’t matter what other people think as long as you and the person/ people that are in that relationship are happy in that relationship, its no one else business. But every one should know what kind of relationship they are in and you need to mature and adult to pull of every type of relationship.  

Screw the taboos, in the next series of blogs we’re going to explore the true meanings of different kinds of relationship, so you can know what kind you are in/ want, identify it, and fix it or get out of it if necessary. We’ll discuss the possible rules, scenarios and give some explanations and definitions on everything from a functional relationship, friends with benefits, to the concept of building a companion. Look Forward to it, keep an open mind, even if its not for you, one should know all the options available, it may help you understand how others think

Parents and Relationships ( part2) Women's Daddy Issue

After last weeks blog a few people sent me messages and a common theme kept coming up, in fact one hit it right on the head and in two words he said “ Daddy Issue”, and he could not have been more correct.  

We often hear about Daddy Issues in relationship to women and their relationships, but Daddy issue also affect young men equally harshly. I mean think about it, do you know how differently most of our dating lives would/ could have been had we grown up around our fathers or had fathers that taught us the correct things about life, or just showed us by example of their lives.  Besides kisses, hugs, love and support, think about all the lessons a father could teach his children , think of the the heartache and pain a father could save us from, the rules of the game they could put us onto early, so that bad experience doesn’t have to be our best teacher.

Think of how important Daddy is or the lack there of has been in your dating life. He’s the first man women learn to love and trust. For women he’s a safe haven. He’s their filter process before they date.  Daddy lays down the first template of how a man and woman should interact and what type of men she should look for. Just the words a father tells his daughter can shape her outlook on dating for the rest of her life. I know women that have been told by their fathers that they were princess all their lives, and they feel entitled to everything. I know women that have been told, not to get a man that cant do anything for you that your father cant, and they look for men to take care of them. I also know women who’s father taught them to be strong and independent and they carry that out to the tee. 

But I also know women that were abused by their fathers and they have a hard time trusting men. I knowWomen that watched their mothers go through abuse and so they feel as if that maybe normal. But mostly I know a lot of women that didn't have a father in their life growing up or he left, and they’ve been searching for his replacement for years. A lot of bad relationships women get into can be because they are looking for characteristics in someone else, the things a father should have been. 

Gangsters, thugs, bad boys often get so much play because they provide a strong sense of security and well being.  Men financially well off, straight or illegal, often attract women because they have the ability to provide. Playas smooth with the gift of gab, often are witty and provide a level and type of companionship women have never experienced. 

So ladies some of the problems you may have with men, may stem from your issues with your father. And the answers to your questions about them may come form your relationship or lack their of with him. May also have something to do with how your mother dealt with men, or your father. These are things you have to examine and heal within yourself before getting in relationships especially if you tend to have bad relationship often. Daddy issues could be the root of your problems. Too often solace is looked for in bed sheets and by trusting men who don’t deserve it, instead of the actual problem. When pops is not around too many women find a strong male figure to protect, comfort, provide etc, but they settle for any rather than the right one. So examine your life. 

Thats my perspective whats yours ? Check soon for part 3.2. where we’ll discuss Daddy issue and how they affect mens dating