Its often said that the only thing consistent is change. You either learn to adapt to change or become a victim of it. Im getting older, and Im almost 30 now and as I change my expectations and standards change with me. Now I know this sounds like a duh moment, but for many of us its not true. I often encounter the questions where are the good men or where are the good women, as if Im hiding them , lord knows let me know about the women. But when talking to people about the type of people they wish to date there are two types of people they usually exclude, have never given real thought to, or have trouble dealing with, people with children and people that have been married previously.
This is extremely hard for my older friends and people I encounter in workshops. Lets deal with them individually and we’ll deal with the children issue first.
When you’re young dating someone that doesn’t have children is the norm. But the older you get and remain single, the harder it is to find someone , or expect that people don’t have children. When I first graduated high school I could easily neglect women with children, honestly I didn’t know but a few, but for each year after that the number of women in my circle and at my age level with children exponentially increased. The first time I encountered a woman I was interested in dating that had a kid , I was caught off guard, it was after I talked to my mom that she gave me some excellent advice that has served me well and I been sharing it ever since. She said the older you get more unlikely you are to find people without kids, reality sunk in immediately.
Now damn near 30 Im in the minority, people ask questions like why you don’t have kids or are shocked when I say I don’t have kids. And with people having them younger and younger and at rapid rates, its more difficult to be single with out kids and find someone else that doesn’t have kids, probably than ever before.
I think people with kids get a bad wrap, we often say we want to avoid baby mama/baby daddy drama, but not all people with kids have bad relationships.
So how do you deal with the situation, first of all if you’re over age 24, get the idea that its impossible to encounter someone with kids about of your head, because more often than not they do or will.
1. Just because they have kids is not a bad thing, and not an indictment of the person.
2. Question about the relationship with the kid, you can tell a lot about a person based on how they feel about and talk about their children
3. Question the relationship with the other parent/parents, its going to be important to know
4. If you’re serious with this person considering higher levels, find out if they want more kids, especially if you
Don’t be stubborn, be realistic of the world you live in. Id love to not walk into already made family situation, I’d love to have my first child with someone that its also their first child, but whats the odds. There are an abundance of good women and men in the dating pool that have children, and people usually filter them out unnecessarily. Once again this is how you make your dating pool a dating puddle, by thinking irrationally and judgmentally.
Just know if you’re going to date someone with kids you generally have to raise your maturity level, because good mothers and fathers don’t have time for BS and they are not going to expose their kids to that none sense... well continue on next week, but just think about that, my experience, my perspective, what yours ? Sound off
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