What’s happening family it’s been a long, long, time since I
posted something. I ‘ve been busy speaking, traveling, and haven’t had any
articles/ topics that I was really interested in or believed in to write about,
its part of being a writer and apart of a collective, sometimes you get things
you’re not interested in. But you have to pay the bills, right?
Well as of late we’ve been dealing a lot with preferences,
in this blog and in my “How Am I Still Single?” workshop, I deal a lot with
preferences. Its my belief that many people are single, not only because they
don’t know how to date, but also because they have too many requirements,
obstacles, and hoops for people to jump through before liking someone enough to
give them a chance. Having to many items on your checklist is a fantasy, and it’s
also how people end up making their dating pool, into a dating puddle. Most
times the things we think we need are merely wants, but we make wants bigger
than actual needs for healthy relationships. We have so many filters for
potential mates that we start to filter out good candidates also, to the point
that Jesus himself wouldn’t be good enough.
Had a conversation the other day with the collective and we had a letter about dating someone handicapped. So let me ask the question . Would you date/be interested in someone that’s handicapped? If you were dating/married to someone and they became handicap would you be less interested all of a sudden?
It’s a tough question for many, and when answered, all the wrong reasons and excuses come out for most people. The ever popular, love is unconditional phase pops up. However, like is not unconditional, and you cant fall in love with someone if you don’t like them and never give them a chance to date you. We cant say love is unconditional out of one side of our mouth, then find reasons to not give ourselves the chance to love/be loved by someone unconditionally, on the other side. Those that say “NO” are often worried about how others in society will perceive them. Fellas imagine catching flack from your boys in a trash talk session or ladies when describing your new interest, wondering what the girls will think when you get to the in a wheel chair detail. We often trap/ box in ourselves, not society, us and our way of thinking.
Many say they would not loose interest if they were already with someone and they ended up handicap. But for many, that’s about loyalty and not looking like a heartless person.
What does this say about us honestly? Is it fickle? Because even in our reasoning for not leaving, its about us and how we feel, not the handicap person. And for many of us to even deal with a handicap person we would have to have gone through the event that made them disabled with them. This from the equal opportunity generation? The MLK generation that is supposed to judge people by the content of their character. We’re the diverse generation, in every way, except the types of people that we’ll date, and then we wonder how we got boxed in to this little pool of available people to date.
What is it about a handicap person that makes you just completely close your mind? We in the modern generation know of handicap people with abilities that exceed our own. They work, they go to school, they compete and stay active, they live normal and sometimes exciting lives and just want to be treated like everyone else, but many of us would deny them our affection.
Think on this, what if you met a man/woman, they were everything you hope, wish, and pray for in a mate. They want the same things in life you want, you’re compatible, they’re available, they like you, they’re supportive of you, they make you happy, and they make you better. They complete/compliment you, but they are just not able bodied. This person is not a vegetable, they have a life, they are independent, they don’t need you to take care of them, they just want companionship and someone to love like everyone else. Would you walk away from that, because the disability was too much for you to overcome mentally? Would it bother you that much, that you’d rather stay single? You could be missing out on a soul mate being small/close minded.
Is it fickle? I believe so, its not that far from, “ I’m not color struck, I just like light skin girls” or “ I’m not a gold digger, I just like men that are successful or that have white collar jobs” or “ Its my preference”. Our Preferences are what make us fickle, especially when it’s something they can’t help. It’s a big difference from preferring someone that has ambition, is respectful, treats you right etc.
People often miss out on their blessing, because it didn’t come the way they though it would, it wasn’t wrapped up in the packaging they imagined it would be, so they reject the blessing. The blessing was given, prayer was answered, and you rejected it, accepted and went after something else. Your dating pool becomes a puddle. There are a lot of fish in the sea, but if you’re only going to fish in one area, you’ll always catch the same types of fish. Go further out and deeper down, and you’ll catch some different types of fish.
To each its own, but I think it’s crazy to completely right off and overlook an entire demographic of mature responsible people, especially when they want the same things in life we all want. Maybe we all should expand our thoughts, if we feel we could not be attracted/ interested in a person with a handicap, maybe we should question ourselves as to why and figure out what the real reasons are.
Just something to think about, until next time. My opinion, my experience, my perspective. What’s yours?
Slin-K
@slin_k_polymath
on twitter
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