Are you sure you want to be pursued…. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship?

  

 

It’s been so long, I apologize for the long layoff. I haven’t been writing many relationship issue or social commentary articles lately. I somewhat stepped away from the sector due to circumstances in the field and I’ve been doing a lot more speaking, and I just finished my first book. It’s called Getting In Our Own Way: The Degradation of Student Organizations, also available on Amazon, and other fine print and e-book retailers. I felt you deserved that explanation.

I have been talking about women being too picky for years and the subsequent extinction of gentleman that this pickiness is having on men. I often hear, meet and speak with plenty of great, positive, successful women, who speak of not being able to find a man, or that men don’t approach them.

The day I got this assignment, I observed something interesting happen in the gym as I was working out.  

A young lady approaches a guy as he is working out, and attempts to start a conversation. Flattered for a while he obliges, but then he does something most guys probably won’t. He tells her he is trying to concentrate on his work out and if she wishes to talk later, it would be a much better time.  And the look of utter discuss, confusion and disdain that came across her face was somewhat hilarious, simply because I’ve seen this same woman in the gym do the exact same things to guys that try to talk to her while she is working out.

With the whole work out craze, health and fitness movement happening, I’ve seen and heard numerous women complain about men trying to talk to them or pick up on them at the gym, or park, and how it’s a place for working out not a place for being social. Ok, so we see the double standard being placed here right, at least in this one case.  Boy how the rules change when they’re the interested party, or making the approach. 

But here is the question. Where is a good place that you can talk to a woman anymore? Because due to the thirst movement and an infinite amount of other factors; men pretty much are not allowed to talk to women, yet somehow they are still expected to pursue them.

Honestly ladies, where is a good place to meet you? It’s Ironic that both the club and church are pretty much out of the question and off limits for meeting someone. While you’re working out is a big no-no. While you’re on the job, is out of bounds? This is getting much harder also, due to strict non fraternization policies being put in placed at many companies, but is this a good place or no?  Is the grocery store acceptable? How about the library, or would you scold him that you were trying to study?  What about at a stoplight?  The train or buses on your morning commute to work? At a concert? Line at the DMV? At the mall? Speed dating, or are many of you too closed minded for that? What about across the internet, can you ask someone via social media out on a date? We know the taboo associated with that. What about if he sees you at your job? Or, if you see him at his job?  It almost seems as if unless you have a job that requires a suit and tie, this is a no-no also.  We can’t approach or be approached in our work uniform.

 A friend of mine recently complained about guys always trying to pick up on her at her job, and I couldn’t see the problem. She’s a beautiful girl, like with a capital B. So I asked her, where else is he supposed to try? Where else would he see you, in order to make this approach? Is he supposed to stalk you and find a more appropriate setting other than your job? That would be creepy. 

Let me explain why men approach women wherever you are. Literally, I’ve seen men approach women at weddings, funerals (yes I said it), graduations, dinner parties, while she was out with her girls (ask any man what a lions den that is to enter), you name it. Because when we are young boys we are taught to seize the moment. We usually learn this in grade school, the first time we go on a field trip and there are other schools there, and we see a girl we think is fine. We want to talk to her and a friend encourages us to, we usually say something like “later”, but that friend reminds us quickly by asking us “when will you ever see her again.” So we go through life with that reminder, and I don’t think most women think like that or acknowledge that.

It really makes me think do you really want to be pursued? Because, you can’t be in control of every aspect of a relationship. You can’t control how he looks, what he does, what he has, where he approaches, when he approaches, etc. I know many live in this Disneyesque world where everything is perfect, but we live in the real world and are adults. Good people show up in your life at the weirdest places. We’re supposed to be more open minded that that.  I assure you that more often than not Prince Charming will approach you at an awkward time with a decent conversation, and nervous, more than with a glass slipper he found after the royal ball, that he wants to put on your foot to see if it fits correctly. And lets be honest even if he did show up with a glass stiletto, most of you would find that creepy and wouldn’t take your shoe off for him to see. IJS, You can have too high of standards or too many standards. You do realize that many women with their list wouldn’t date Jesus, or any of the Disney Princes.  The reason, many don’t know how to love an imperfect person, but they wish for someone to love imperfect them.

We live in a world now where men have to ask for permission to be gentlemen, because we don’t want to offend the woman that doesn’t need you to do anything for her. You don’t want your friendliness or helpfulness mistaken for thirst/ desperation. And you don’t want your well intentions mistaken for malice. This generation of men is completely confused. The rules have changed, you want to be modern, but still be old fashioned and we don’t know when to do which, because women switch between those two based on which is convenient for them at the time.

So ladies please answer this question for men across the world? Where is a good place to meet you? If you get hung up on where a man tries to talk to you, you really, seriously have to ask yourself do you really want to be in a relationship, do you want to be pursued and are you available? You may have control issues or are out of touch with reality. If a man is approaching you and he does it respectfully, don’t focus on where it is, focus on what he’s saying. He finds you attractive, trust me there are plenty of women that would love to have that problem and be thankful of men asking them to dance, buy them a drink, try to pick up on them anywhere. Just think about it.

That’s my perspective. What’s Yours?

@slin_k_polymath