Some of you are in relationships and don’t even know it

Some of you are in relationships and don’t even know it, intimately dating at that, yet refuse to acknowledge or claim it.

What do I mean?

Some of you have met your soul mate and turned them away?

Who? Where are they located?

They’re in the friend zone, right where you banished them.

“But we’re friends there is nothing intimate about that” (in your sarcasm annoyed voice. Disappointed because you thought I had new info huh?  Disappointed because you’re in denial that it’s true.)

WRONG! You have some one that has given you the main ingredients of a relationship: love, support, and intimacy. Someone who guards your feeling, emotions, mental well-being and your heart. You obviously trust them. If you have a problem they’d gladly solve it if possible or at least listen and support. Being their friend is a never-ending journey and full of surprises, guess what, that’s spontaneity. If all of this were to ever stop, and you two were no longer friends, guess what it’d feel just like a break up; your heart would hurt, you’d be emotional, you ‘d reminisce, etc.

Why would you push something so good away or even more foolish recommend it for someone rather than yourself? Don’t you deserve to be loved right also? You already are being loved right so why would you give it away? If you tried to hook them up with say, one of your female friends, you’d be doing everyone a disservice. Because said female is subject to ask, “ if he’s that good, why have you passed on him?” And that’s a great question why is he good enough for her and not you? Stick situation isn’t it? There’s no good answer either.

Some of you are in relationships and don’t know it. Because you’re not even really single, you’re holding out for better. Possibly being greedy. You’re setting up a scenario to have your cake and eat it too. So the question is why do you need to emotionally occupy this person and risk the chance of damaging both them and yourself? Why do you need/ want both them and another person? The rich truly get richer huh? There are already too many bitter men and emotionally damaged women, and stuff like this can damage men and make them emotionally absent.  

Women often don’t want to leave bad or unproductive relationships because of time invested, yet most are hesitant to stay in, pursue or further explore a good one that they’ve already invested time in (smh, tisk tisk).

I mean you have all that you ever want in this friendship, you have someone that accepts and loves you for you. If you can’t be yourself around the person you're with, it’s not your partner, and you already have it in this friend. Someone that misses you and thinks about you when you’re gone, and wants to be around you when you’re around, how is this not idea exactly? Someone who does the little things, little gifts, small conversations that make bad days better, makes holidays and birthdays special just so you aren't let out because your single. Because you meet those types of dudes everyday, right?

Your friend is ideal; by being their friend you’ve already done the hard part of the relationship work. You’ve taken your time to get to know them; they’re still around so they are obviously worth it. You’ve been earned and you’ve earned them, because we don’t give friendship away, people earn our company, earn our friendship, they earn the right to know us emotionally. You have what many people in relationships and marriages wish for intimacy.  You do realize that at most engagements, weddings, and anniversary, heck even funerals you hear people say they married their best friends, and the person that compliments them. Who ever you choose to be with should be the reciprocal of yourself, why reject that? Why take that person for granted? You mean a person is good enough to know your secrets, desires of your hearts, hopes, dreams and maybe even your fantasies, yet not good enough to date?  WTH?

You have a person that encourages you, wants to see you happy, make you happy and willingly supports you, and that’s not enough? Unbelievable!

“Friends” is a convenient excuse. Being “ just Friends” takes the pressure off of the maintenance part of a relationship. But, in actuality you’ve already been doing the maintenance and upkeep of a relationship, any friendship requires maintenance of the relationship. Once again you’ve already done the hard parts, the parts that most single people find so difficult about dating and getting to know people and trusting them. The only thing you two haven’t done is officially declared yourselves exclusive to each other. You have the best friends with benefits ever, the benefit of actual friendship.

So what they are not everything that you want? Guess what nobody is, but they’ll be everything you need. So what they’re not the person you saw for yourself. Means you found a diamond in the rough, or love in an unexpected place. Someone once told me that love is like a hole in the ground, if you look for it, you’ll never fall in it. It’s found you, why can’t you embrace that? It’s not about your first choice; it’s about the right choice. The fact that both of you have remained single in the flowers of love, just maybe confirmation.  It’s spoiled and childish to hold out for better if you when you have a winner. It’s immature and an insult to your friendship to decide that dating them is settling. Settling for what? Happiness is that a bad compromise for a backup plans and second choice. IJS its craziness to me, but what do I know? 

That’s my perspective at least, and it’s my experience. What’s yours?

Slin_K
@slin_k_polymath