ghanafilla.net (photographer). Untitled [photograph]. Retrieved September 27, 2018 from https://uniqueluxury.wordpress.com/2014/07/15/is-space-necessary-in-relationship/
One of the greatest benefits of being in a relationship is having someone to do things with. We often fantasize and romanticize about all of the things that we can’t wait to do with our partners and all of the bonding and time we wish to spend. We talk about things that are needed in or wanted in a relationship and characteristics that make a relationship stronger; but one of the most underrated, overlooked and unexplored aspects is the concept of giving each other space.
In every part of the relationship space, or the opportunity to get or give it is critical. It shows understanding and it speaks volumes.
When we don’t give each other space it sets us up to move too quickly, stunt each others growth and eventually get on each other's nerves. It’s often funny to me the number of women that will admit that they don’t want a needy man, but have no problem admitting and are not afraid to say that they themselves are needy. But ladies I’ll gladly tell you that space has great perks.
When we find someone that we like we are often way too quick to let someone monopolize all of our available free time and parts of our nonfree time. We are quick to spend all of our time on the phone like we’re teens, spend every weekend together; and because we’ve spent a lot of time together in a short time period we often think that we know people better than we do and we rush decisions like moving in together; so we can spend more time together.
Spending time is cool until it becomes our lifestyle or our relationship becomes our identity. When we don’t give each other space we often neglect and forget the other relationships and thing that are important in our lives. How many of us have gotten in a relationship and all of a sudden forgotten or not made time for our friends? We miss important moments and accomplishments, but we want them to pause everything to rush to our side in our moments of sadness or if we break up; no keep that same energy. Friendships are relationships that have to be worked on too, we don’t necessarily just unpause right where you left off at when you got into your relationship and left us lingering.
How many of us have thrown so much of ourselves into our relationship that we forget to work on our individual selves? We forget to take time for our self, we forget to invest and pour into our self. How many of us have let up off of our hustle, passion or interest, because we had a new love interest? How many times has our work ethic and performance been affected by love or what we thought was love? How many times have we put aside a hobby or a passion? How many opportunities have we passed up on?
It’s all about balance and boundaries. It’s great to have mutual interest and things that you can share with your partner, and it’s awesome if they will do things they don’t necessarily like to do ( and vice versa) just to spend time and experience it with you. But it’s totally fine for you to have a hobby, that’s just you and that’s your alone time. Both of you should have time and activities outside of each other. It’s ok to have regularly scheduled boys/girls night out, an annual trip or some big event too look forward too.
We can go a weekend without seeing each other. We don’t have to text every hour on the hour. We don’t have to talk every single day. No one can be or give you all that you need and if you don’t want or trust them going places without you that’s called isolation. Space is important so that you don’t lose yourself, just because you’re in a relationship. Space is so that you don’t give up all that makes you unique. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but if we crowd each other we don’t give each other time to miss each other and remember why we like spending time with each other.
Not having space in a relationship is something many men FEAR, and it’s why they cling to their singleness so forcefully. For a lot of men settling down is giving up and settling. We have a generation of men that believe that long-term relationships and marriage equals them doing all of the sacrificing, and having a life of boredom where they don’t get to do anything, and they don’t get to see their friends.
Workspace into your relationships; pouting, attitude, arguments or even using sex as a weapon is manipulation. If you don’t trust him to live life, have personal time, or have fun when you’re not around then you don’t need to be in a relationship. Or you need to work on your insecurities. It’s a reason a lot of men think of relationships as being anchored down, losing freedom, ball and chain; they don’t get space.
Ladies space is not just for him, you need it too. Because you need room to grow and enrich yourself individually, you need time to clear your head, you need individual spiritual growth. Think about it when break up happen, things we often hear are about all of the sacrifices made and the amount of time invested, all I’m saying is don’t forget to give to yourself and invest in yourself, and in order to do it you need space. That space will give you both room to breathe, grow, it will build trust, and it will give you time to miss each other. Space is underrated in relationships.
[untitled photograph of ball and chain]. Retrieved September 27, 2018 from https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/relationship-problems/partner-space
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