What’s happening family, don’t be mad at me it’s been
entirely too long since I blogged, been extremely busy with conferences and
speaking, and a slew of other things.
Been doing a lot of question answer sessions with people and
talking with a lot of friend and colleagues lately, who are engaged or newly
married, and some of the best advice they’ve given me, sometimes unsolicited,
is make sure you and your mate discuss money early.
Which has had me thinking a lot,
money is and can be a major issue in relationships and the reason why its such
a big issue in engagements and marriages is because its not something we really
think about in the early stages or before we get into relationships. We think
about money before relationships, but the wrong things like how much they make
and what they can buy? One of my friends
stated that he doesn’t date out of his credit range, and why I’m on the fence
about that, I totally understand. Ask anyone that’s paying back student loans,
has a credit card debt, trying to purchase a house or has a mortgage, how hard
and important it is to keep your credit up, and how proud you are when it jumps
up. You can’t imagine someone messing it up, because when/if you get married
you share each other’s debts.
The way a person treats money says
a lot about them and you can learn a lot about them, they may have some traits
that you don’t want to deal with in a serious or permanent relationship. Think
about it are they generous with their money, always trying to help others out
to the point they suffer? Are they stingy with their money, they never want to
spend anything, they’ll do without necessity?
Where do they spend their money? Do they have habits or addictions? Do
they have and can they respect a budget, can they keep track of their money?
All things that not only cost you, but in a serious relationship, can affect
you.
Even from the beginning how money
is spent should be discussed and paid attention to. Who pays for dates, how
often do they pay, how much? Does the other person even offer, do you all split
the date? Maybe you pay the tip he pay the check, every two times then you’ll
switch, what’s the schedule? Or they pay the dinner you pay the movie? Holidays
and birthdays, do they have a limit? Are they an emotional spender, when they
get upset do they shop heavily, or when trying to make up do they go all out
with gifts to apologize?
In short some of these things may
not be problems but in the long run, it can be detrimental, if every time your
upset you go shopping and run up a large bill or every time there’s an argument
or problem they feel the need to buy expensive gifts, its not long before money
becomes an issue in the relationship, because that behavior is not sustainable,
nor healthy. Gifts to apologize suggest your forgiveness can be purchased.
You pretty much get the gist, it’s
a bunch could be said, but honestly why beat the dead horse? The way a person
handles money suggest maturity, and usually maturity is pretty high on the list
for what we seek in a serious committed relationship and if we began to think
about and at least have standards about it before we get into relationships,
maybe it wont be a huge problem when dating and engaged and maybe it wont be
one of the major reasons listed for so many divorces.
My opinion, my experience, my
perspective. What’s yours?
Sound off with your Opinion
Slin-K
@slin_k_polymath on twitter
