Money and Relationships

What’s happening family, don’t be mad at me it’s been entirely too long since I blogged, been extremely busy with conferences and speaking, and a slew of other things.

Been doing a lot of question answer sessions with people and talking with a lot of friend and colleagues lately, who are engaged or newly married, and some of the best advice they’ve given me, sometimes unsolicited, is make sure you and your mate discuss money early.

Which has had me thinking a lot, money is and can be a major issue in relationships and the reason why its such a big issue in engagements and marriages is because its not something we really think about in the early stages or before we get into relationships. We think about money before relationships, but the wrong things like how much they make and what they can buy?  One of my friends stated that he doesn’t date out of his credit range, and why I’m on the fence about that, I totally understand. Ask anyone that’s paying back student loans, has a credit card debt, trying to purchase a house or has a mortgage, how hard and important it is to keep your credit up, and how proud you are when it jumps up. You can’t imagine someone messing it up, because when/if you get married you share each other’s debts.

The way a person treats money says a lot about them and you can learn a lot about them, they may have some traits that you don’t want to deal with in a serious or permanent relationship. Think about it are they generous with their money, always trying to help others out to the point they suffer? Are they stingy with their money, they never want to spend anything, they’ll do without necessity?  Where do they spend their money? Do they have habits or addictions? Do they have and can they respect a budget, can they keep track of their money? All things that not only cost you, but in a serious relationship, can affect you.

Even from the beginning how money is spent should be discussed and paid attention to. Who pays for dates, how often do they pay, how much? Does the other person even offer, do you all split the date? Maybe you pay the tip he pay the check, every two times then you’ll switch, what’s the schedule? Or they pay the dinner you pay the movie? Holidays and birthdays, do they have a limit? Are they an emotional spender, when they get upset do they shop heavily, or when trying to make up do they go all out with gifts to apologize?

In short some of these things may not be problems but in the long run, it can be detrimental, if every time your upset you go shopping and run up a large bill or every time there’s an argument or problem they feel the need to buy expensive gifts, its not long before money becomes an issue in the relationship, because that behavior is not sustainable, nor healthy. Gifts to apologize suggest your forgiveness can be purchased.

You pretty much get the gist, it’s a bunch could be said, but honestly why beat the dead horse? The way a person handles money suggest maturity, and usually maturity is pretty high on the list for what we seek in a serious committed relationship and if we began to think about and at least have standards about it before we get into relationships, maybe it wont be a huge problem when dating and engaged and maybe it wont be one of the major reasons listed for so many divorces.

My opinion, my experience, my perspective. What’s yours?

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Slin-K

@slin_k_polymath on twitter