My perspective: The Chance encounter deserves a Chance

I’ve written numerous articles about women, and their pickiness. I’m almost the go to person whenever it comes up in my writing collective. It’s amazing that some of the pickiest women I know are also some of the loneliest, most passed over, and ignored also; and their question is always why? Why don’t men approach me? Where are the good men? I know, meet and get letters from far too many beautiful, successful and seemingly undesirable women. Or women that turn down men for too many of the wrong reasons, yet wonder why they are still single. I’m all for having standards; high standards, but make sure they are standards that you can live up too and that others can also. Some have impossible standards or conflicting standards that basically rule out anybody (including Jesus himself).

One of the questions I’ve been seeing and hearing a lot more recently is, why don’t guys in the church approach women more often?

Here is the answer. Because women have made themselves all but unapproachable these day; regardless of where you attempt to approach them at. And because women are so skeptical of a mans intentions when approaching them, it has made most men especially good/ eligible men afraid to approach or second guess approaching the majority of women they see, especially at church. The last thing a man that’s focused on church wants is to be accused of is working the church. We’ve all the heard the stories before, we all know that not everybody in church, is not there for the right reasons. No man wants to be misunderstood and become part of that narrative. And it’s an easy narrative to fall into, no matter how sincere his heart is, if he gets rejected by one or multiple women, and it doesn’t work with another, ta-da in walks the working the church narrative. No man wants to be uncomfortable at his place of worship, his job or where he lives.

The reason why most women can’t meet decent, eligible men is because they have ruled out the chance encounter, so almost nowhere is a good place to meet or approach a woman (on the street, grocery store, museum, club, church, job, gym, etc, etc, etc). This is both conflicting and counterproductive.

Secondly, a lot of women claim to want to know the guys they’ll date, yet they don’t want to date the men they already know, they tend to banish those men to the friend zone. Once again counter productive and conflicting. Its equivalent to sitting at home and never going out, no ones going to find you if your at home, and you wouldn’t except the person that knocked on your door, that’s be spooky and creepy. And if your with the girls and someone approaches and you reject them because you’re out just trying to have fun wit the girls that too is counter productive and conflicting.

These things lead many into or set them up for bad decisions. In the world we live in today, we end up worrying about dating people we’re attracted to more so than people we genuinely like. We friend zone people we genuinely like, in hopes of finding more attractive or more lucrative prospects. We have sex, then try to build a relationship or love on top of that. But attraction can change over night.

I’d be remisssed if I didn’t mention the equally yoked excuse. You can be equally yoked without ya'll being carbon copies of each other, having the same degrees, same money, jobs etc. there other ways to make up for it. To be equally yoked is just to be balanced and to balance each other out.

A question that needs to be asked is do you really want to be in a relationship? If so why do you find something wrong, that eliminates the potential of every man that approaches? Are you accommodating to a man that wishes to approach you?

All in all give some a chance and reason to approach you. Take the time to genuinely like someone. That’s a question you should ask yourself to avoid making a bad decision; do I like this person more than I think they are fine or how much I want to bed them? If you focus on sex, nothing else will matter.

Set a high standard, make sure the conversation is as good as the sex. Make sure you crave it, just as much as the sex also. To paraphrase a joke from Chris Rock, anybody you in a relationship with make sure you enjoy talking to them and eating with them, because the longer your relationship goes, it becomes less sex, more talking and going to eat, and if you don’t like talking to them or eating with them ya’ll are not gone make it.

I repeat, I’m not saying don’t have standards, or even to lower them. I’m not saying don’t be picky, nor have preferences, but don’t try to apply all of them at the same time. Life works on a sliding scale and on the law of averages. There is something to be said for potential, there is something to for possessing an x-factor.

Give people a chance when you see potential. While you’re waiting to see the final product, and by the time you see the final product, they may no longer be available or interested. Relationships are an investment. You have to give someone the time of day in order for it to payoff.

But before you can get to that point, you’ve got to make your self truly available and open to the possibilities. Every place, possibility, and circumstance can’t be off limits for someone to approach you. Stop making excuses and getting in your own way; and let someone approach you. Rather that be at church, your job, the gym or at a dinner party.