My perspective: Where are the Good Men?

[A Good Man is Hard to find]. Retrieved August 31, 2016 from https://farm3.static.flickr.com/2742/4372151970_363083919c.jpg

Get a group of women together in a social setting talking about relationships, and at some point it’s almost inevitable the question of “Where are all the good men?“ will come up at some point. The answer; there is no particular spot; they aren’t being stashed or hidden. Good men are everywhere; they just aren’t being given a chance. Good is not perfect, it's not flawless, it's not without issue. But what relationship or person is?

One of the problems with women finding “good men” is that the definition, desires, and requirements of being defined a good man change sporadically and erratically. Women will often reminisce about a certain type of man from generations past and wonder what happened to those types of men? The answer, men usually evolve based on what women want and expect, so they can attract a mate. The definition of “good man” changes as quick as computer software, as soon you think you’re up to date, your programming is obsolete.

Men have gone through numerous changes and been met with complaints at each stop. Women speak of Old-fashioned men; but when women became more independent and self-sufficient, those types of men were considered too domineering. So women looked for strong silent types, they avoided conflict, were very patient; but those men were said to hold in things too long and then blow up in anger and they were pushovers. We now demonize submissive men even with the rise of dominant women; two dominant people are a recipe for constant head butting. A transition to softer men was requested; men who were not as aggressive, who didn’t need to be strong all the time who were in touch with their feminine side and not afraid to express emotion; but those men were considered not manly enough and emotional. So thugs and roughnecks were the trends for their protective qualities, but that type of masculine energy and representation brought with it too many social problems. Men were then forced to become hybrids; expected to rock a suit in the boardroom and street wear on the block, with the matching attitudes and characteristics for each scenario equally. But those men often times would lean too much in one direction more than the other and were considered inconsistent. Assholes then became the in thing, brutally honest, not afraid to speak their mind; but they were considered insensitive because they didn’t possess a filter. Afterwards it was about smooth debonair brothers with charm but they were demonized for being wannabe playas, pretty boys, or metrosexual. Lastly came the modern day gentleman, and women complained that they were too good to be true.

After all of these changes, and generations of men making adjustments men have still been left to wonder what makes a good man? Frankly, men are confused. Is it personality, money, education, is it mandatory to have it all? Is it all or nothing? What’s the correct mixture of characteristics? What if he’s a great provider but not dominant?

The problem for women is that some men take on these characteristics and changes as a trend. The real problem is distrust, because the baby is often thrown out with the bathwater, and women cut all men in the genre when they begin seeking a different type of man. Meaning men that are truly a certain way (i.e. strong silent types) are required to adapt as well.

A lot of men are tired of changing and have decided they will be themselves and you can accept them, as Beyoncé would say, flaws and all. Often it takes a generation to get from one definition to another; meaning men evolve much slower than you change the requirements and how parents raise us to be.

Good men are all around ladies, they are just good men you no longer want, and many are afraid of changing again and not being appreciated. There are too many women telling men directly and subliminally, that they want a good man like them, oddly not them however. They want something else.

What women want in a man is like asking them what they want to eat when they’re hungry, they know but they don’t know. Gender roles have been obliterated but not really, many women want to be asked, but they still want to do the choosing. Women wish to be accepted as is but want to customize men; they want men to be complete, but they wish to be accepted while under construction. No one wants to build and grow.

Good men are all around ladies, but perfect and fantasy men are in short supply. In reality, we’re everywhere and have never left.