Chivalry found dead; Women are primary suspect ?

Now never mind the title,  I don't actually think that chivalry is dead, but I do believe its on life support, and if women didn't put it there, they at least had a hefty hand in the assault. Now ladies, I know you are going to feel like I’m coming down on you, but I assure you, men got a hand in this also, but remember, I write stuff to help you understand men. I'm going to come down on them also.  

Now fellas we don't get to escape and get off scot free from this one, so I got to tell on us, honestly ladies chivalry is/was in decline to start, because many men just don't want to do it. Its way too much sacrifice and work, for what seems like, for nothing. Now granted, we should do it because we're gentleman that were raised right and because we want to, and not for gratification, but most men were not taught how to be a gentleman, and we surely don't like feeling obligated to do things and getting zero acknowledgement or appreciation for it. Whats the use of being a gentleman if women go and date assholes anyway, and ignore the gentlemen. If men feel like nice guys finish last, guess what happens to the nice guys, they become more rare.  

Secondly, ladies your strength and independence is killing chivalry, especially when you constantly throw it mens face. Its cool to be an independent woman, but allow men to be men, especially when they are being gentlemen. Honestly, if a man is being a gentlemen, shut the hell up about how independent you are, and what you don't need a man to do for you, that is so not the time for that rant. Just say thank you.  I've met a few women like this, so unnecessarily independent that a man cant do anything for her, cant hold the door open or help her carry something, without her thinking you have ulterior motives or you are somehow degrading her  abilities to do the same thing as a man. Ladies pray that most men are not like me, because if I hold a door open for you, walk you to your car or what ever, and you complain, thats the last time you ever have to worry about it being done for you. Your complaining will make a man not want to be a gentleman, and if he's a man that doesn't want to do it anyway, that will give him an excuse to not.

Next, ladies don't try to use a man being a gentleman as a weapon, or to get him to do something you just don't want to do. Especially if you fall in the overly independent category. Example, you mention you want to do something or get something, then you ask him do it and throw “like a gentleman” on the end of the sentence. Or sound annoyed if he looks at you funny and you ask “where are all the gentleman?” He realizes he BS, so cut it, don't ask him to do something just because you don't want to, if you need help, or its kind of a duty thats different, but you know what I mean. Don't try to guilt men into doing things for your by playing the gentleman card, or essentially challenging him into doing it by flashing the smile and batting they eyes, then throwing the card, when the flirt doesn't work.

Lastly, acknowledge chivalry when it happens. No matter how big or small, or how often the act occurs, acknowledge it. Yes, you've been raised to believe he should do it, but remember he doesn't have to, especially if you're not dating him. So appreciate it and don't complain if it doesn't happen the way you want it.  For example, a woman I used to frequently go out with used to get upset with me because I would sit down and not give her the seat. But here was the plan, I was going to sit down and let her sit on my lap, now after we went through this a few times, she understood. She remembered that I have a bad back and occasionally my knee aches, but many women act out before knowing the whole plan. 


Accept the chivalry how it comes. Look out for him too. Make sure he has you in mind before jumping down his throat, he may have a way to make it work for both of you. Would you rather him give you the entire seat and then rush you to leave because he's uncomfortable. He leave and go sit in the car, or some similar instance, because we know that will be a new argument. Appreciate it how and when it comes, if he doesn't do it every time, sometimes let it slide, but acknowledge when he does, tell him you notice he does it more often, tell him you like it, so he doesn't feel like its for granted. Remembers he’s human, and if he’s not use to doing this or being this way, it’ll take some time, be patient with him.

So how do we get chivalry to make a full recovery and comeback? It starts with us fellas, we've got to do it primarily because we want to be gentlemen and because its genuine. Not just because its a first date, or we want to make a good impression, or to shut her up. We have to do it because we should want to make the women in our lives feel respected and special, and we have to teach our sons, younger cousins, mentees, brothers, etc to be gentlemen also so we can keep the cycle going. Being a gentleman is contagious also so, if we're gentleman in front of our boys, you'll be amazed at how they will slowly start to do it and become it also because no man likes to look bad by comparison, so his ego and competitiveness will spark him to be more chivalrous. Also don’t clown your boy for being a stand up man, just because you don’t want to be chivalrous.

Ladies you have to demand that men be gentlemen. Don’t say you want it, then settle for dating non gentlemen. When men don’t act chivalrous, request it, request he pulls out your chair, request he helps you up the stairs, help him learn, then thank him and tell him how it makes you feel. Men always change for women, and do what women like  and what gets women. As my good friend Devin T. Robinson said, “Men will become what ever they need to become so they can cum.” If he’s going to become anything, even if for the wrong reasons, why not make him become a gentleman. 

Thats my perspective whats yours?

When being silent goes wrong ; blame the previous woman

I’ve been hearing a lot of women complain lately about two very important things, the way men approach them and the way men perform in bed. It really shouldn’t be a surprise considering some magazines write about these things every issue. It seems to me that this is easily rectifiable and I really didn’t think it was a big deal until what seemed like every woman in my circle decided to have a conversation with concerning / complaining or asking for advice concerning theses two one of these two seemingly unrelated topics within the last week. 

To be honest though ladies both have to do with communication. We often say and nod our heads along to people saying that communication is key in a relationship. Well, actually it starts before the relationship. I often tell women that anything you don’t like in or about a man you can almost blame a woman for. Why? Because, men are incredibly simple, superstitious, and ritualistic and we only do what works, and what we’re allowed to do. Anything a man does or continually does, its because women have enabled him to do it. So lesson today ladies, speak up, and shut it down early.

So why don’t men know how to approach women? Men do know how to approach women, they don’t know how to approach all women, or approach women like a certain type of man would. Most things men know about women have to do with his experiences with women, especially since most men theses days aren’t taught by older men about to approach a lady. So everything he does that works he keeps and uses on all women, until a woman teaches, or shows him different. Everything, the way he dresses, speaks, how and where he approaches her, everything. 

Has a man ever approached you with a weak pick up line, hissed at you, said something he heard in a movie, or just came off disrespectful , etc. Blame a woman. If he is doing it to you, trust this has worked before. Men don’t keep what doesn’t work and get women in their repertoire. For instance this is how men operate ladies, pay attention and take notes, A man figures he has about 3 minutes to talk to you in the street to get you number. Now men that don’t have genuine intention and good conversation rely on lines, game what ever, its like bait. So what they do is, they know they have 3 minutes hopefully, so lets say the first 2 minutes of my convo work but I loose you in the late minute, he’ll keep the 2 minutes that worked come up with something new for that last minute and try it on the next girl. Until he has a solid rehearsed 3 minutes that works at a rate he comfortable with. Its like building a comedy routine. 

So blame a woman for letting him sprinkle BS and game her way, knowing it but not shutting it down, so it eventually got to you. I know a woman that routinely makes dudes pul they’re pants up if they want to talk to her, its amazing to see a dude pull his pants up and restart the conversation, just because a woman said so and he realized it wasn’t going to work the way he thought. So speak up ladies, shut dumbness down. 

This last part will be quick because its the same idea. Why don’t men do ( insert complaint/ frustration here) in the bed room? Because you haven’t said anything about it, taught him differently or maybe you been faking it to protect his ego. Again blame you and other women. Faking it is the worst thing you can do ladies, because men are ritualistic, so if he thinks it turned you on or made you orgasm, by you faking it, he will store it in his mind and you can look forward to that same piss poor performance  the next time or in the future. Just tell him what you want, because most men with their ego assume they’re good in bed and know what they’re doing. Men like directions, especially if it makes you happy and protects his reputation. Don’t let him falsely walk around with his chest poked out and big bull attitude knowing damn well he a sheep, save you and and future women. You are your sisters keeper in both instances.

Single but emotionally unavailable

Part of the reason why there is so much advice for women in dealing with relationships is because women try to understand men and try to read men, most men don't even care if they understand women. They just want to understand them enough. So ladies its not so much you need the counseling and that men are right and don't, its that you care, so your want can be catered to. Every thing I write can be used by anyone, but I write mostly for women, because most of my friends are and because to a certain extent they usually are in denial, need to be reminded, and/or are experimenting with various techniques that some woman who is also wrong has told them to do. I felt the need to say that because I caught much hate after last weeks post from certain women. But hey truth hurts.

We’ve been dealing with the reasons why so many people, but women in particular, that want to be in relationships are not and are unnecessarily single. Well, this week lets talk about those that are near and dear to my heart, because I encounter them so much. The single but not available, most importantly single but emotionally unavailable.

Most women that are emotionally unavailable are holding on to or being affected by the past, or something that hasn't even happened yet. Example, the woman that has not gotten over her ex from back in the day completely, the woman that hasn't gotten over her last relationship, the one that wants essentially the same relationship but with another person or the one that has read to many books and seen to many movies and wants the fairy tale she sees. 

We’ll deal with the beak ups in a second but let this be understood ladies, relationships are not ran on equations ( a la math and science), you cant just plug in people and expect success, there are too many moving parts and variables. And the books and movies, just a reminder all you see is the happily ever after, they don't show you the hard times and hard work. I'm sure prince charming wasn’t always charming to the princess, I'm sure there are days she wants to go upside his head. 

To deal with not being single but emotionally unavailable, you’re going to have to do the work and acknowledge it has to be done. The problem is that no one teaches us how to correctly break up, get over it and prep our selves for the next relation ship . We often leave one relationship and jump into the next entirely to fast, bringing along baggage from the last one. Before getting in to another relationship, you have to learn to be single again, to the point where it doesn't bother you or you don't harp on it. You cant be single and available if your not happy with your self. So do yourself and the people you will eventually date the   following favors and follow theses guide lines.

1. The past is the past, remember it but remember every relationship is different and they shouldn't really be compared, you’re asking for trouble otherwise
2. Learn to be happy with your self, you don't need to be completed but complimented, you have to already be complete for your self. ( this is really #1)
3. Get completely over your last relationship, stop being mad, disappointed, missing them etc, Take as long as you need, Heal!
4. Work on You-fix any weaknesses, flaws, naiveness , etc. Get stronger, recognize what mistakes and denials you made. 
5. Know what you want in your next relationship work towards it and make it known. ( real stuff not fickle qualities) 
6. Fight through the desperation stage, no settling. If you want a good man don't sell your self short in to thinking that having a man is good. Know your worth. It may take a while to find him or for him to notice, but the glory will be worth it. Anything worth doing is worth doing right and may take time, be patient. Hurry up and Wait.
7. Be able to adjust, make sure you aren't filtering out the good one and narrowing your scope too much in your search, don't neglect the friend that has interest, the guy at the grocery store, etc. 
8. GGo on some dates - just enjoy someones company 

They aren't hard fast rules but they will help, it takes between half as much time to double, sometimes more time than the relationship you were in to get over it. Especially a log one. If more people would do this there would be less single but emotionally unavailable and unnecessarily single people walking around making it hard on the rest of us 

Unnecessarily Single / The Emotional Hoarder

In a previous piece we discussed and identified a number of reasons why women , especially pretty girls and good girls are single. Now in that post we went through many different reasons why women are sometimes unnecessarily single, especially when they want to be in a relationship. It was a general overview and a few very good reasons, and it sparked a lot of conversations and debate when I was out in the street, so I plan to go in further detail about each of the reasons in post to come.  Mainly its about choices and the way women make choices that keep them single. But, lets review.

There are a number of reasons why women are single unnecessarily, some obvious, some not so much. Some very big ones, women are single but not emotionally available, they’re too picky (standards/types), lets not ignore the numbers and ratios of women to men, women being unwilling to compete, women being selfish, and women being unwilling to approach men. Now, I’ll touch each one of these in detail later, but at the top of that list if not #1 its at least 1-B, is the he's just a friend syndrome, or as I call these women Emotional Hoarders / Friend Collectors.

I got into a debate with a friend of mine and a woman I'm sort of interested in, because they had a stated belief that all the good men are either dead, in jail, married, or gay. Now the problem comes in fact that they both know plenty of good men, they just wont date them, all the good men they want to stay friends with them.  Most women are emotional hoarders to some degree. Now I believe that everybody should have at least one good friend of the opposite sex, but to sit and just collect good men that you have made off limits is just self defeating.  

Why would you date someone that's not your friend in the first place, anyone you date should want to be your lover and your friend. 

Sometimes ladies you got to be a little bit more selfish, especially when you find a good man or know them in abundance. I know women that will hook up and play match maker, for all of their friends, but for some reason they just cant see one for themselves. Every time they meet one they make him just a friend, well how many do you need. Why collect them? Stop looking for a man that's like (insert name here) and ask him out on a date, no one can be a better him than him. The girl I'm interested in, every time she describes the man she’s looking for she describes me, but wont date me. Most of the time, its not that he wont date you, its that you wont date him. He probably started out trying to date you, then you handed down the death sentence and threw him in the dreaded "FRIEND ZONE". And every woman has at least one friend like this.  

Women that do it serially are just like hoarders of anything else, they do it so that they don't get hurt. They don't want to let go. They are afraid to gamble. They are afraid of what they may be missing without these thing/ friends. So rather than take that gamble they want their cake and eat it to. But it essentially becomes clutter, its like not being able to see the forest for the trees.  You cant find a good man because you have so many in front of you that they are obscuring your vision. Its another way of making your dating pool, a puddle because you keep filtering good men out, but in this case, storing them into the friend zone, and if all the good men are filtered out because you're friends with them and refuse to date them, it only leaves two alternatives, alone or dating other undesirables. Please don't become one of those women at your friends wedding knowing that it could've and should've been you. 

I’m Just saying, that's my perspective, Whats yours ?