Part of the reason why there is so much advice for women in dealing with relationships is because women try to understand men and try to read men, most men don't even care if they understand women. They just want to understand them enough. So ladies its not so much you need the counseling and that men are right and don't, its that you care, so your want can be catered to. Every thing I write can be used by anyone, but I write mostly for women, because most of my friends are and because to a certain extent they usually are in denial, need to be reminded, and/or are experimenting with various techniques that some woman who is also wrong has told them to do. I felt the need to say that because I caught much hate after last weeks post from certain women. But hey truth hurts.
We’ve been dealing with the reasons why so many people, but women in particular, that want to be in relationships are not and are unnecessarily single. Well, this week lets talk about those that are near and dear to my heart, because I encounter them so much. The single but not available, most importantly single but emotionally unavailable.
Most women that are emotionally unavailable are holding on to or being affected by the past, or something that hasn't even happened yet. Example, the woman that has not gotten over her ex from back in the day completely, the woman that hasn't gotten over her last relationship, the one that wants essentially the same relationship but with another person or the one that has read to many books and seen to many movies and wants the fairy tale she sees.
We’ll deal with the beak ups in a second but let this be understood ladies, relationships are not ran on equations ( a la math and science), you cant just plug in people and expect success, there are too many moving parts and variables. And the books and movies, just a reminder all you see is the happily ever after, they don't show you the hard times and hard work. I'm sure prince charming wasn’t always charming to the princess, I'm sure there are days she wants to go upside his head.
To deal with not being single but emotionally unavailable, you’re going to have to do the work and acknowledge it has to be done. The problem is that no one teaches us how to correctly break up, get over it and prep our selves for the next relation ship . We often leave one relationship and jump into the next entirely to fast, bringing along baggage from the last one. Before getting in to another relationship, you have to learn to be single again, to the point where it doesn't bother you or you don't harp on it. You cant be single and available if your not happy with your self. So do yourself and the people you will eventually date the following favors and follow theses guide lines.
- The past is the past, remember it but remember every relationship is different and they shouldn't really be compared, you’re asking for trouble otherwise
- Learn to be happy with your self, you don't need to be completed but complimented, you have to already be complete for your self. ( this is really #1)
- Get completely over your last relationship, stop being mad, disappointed, missing them etc, Take as long as you need, Heal!
- Work on You-fix any weaknesses, flaws, naiveness , etc. Get stronger, recognize what mistakes and denials you made.
- Know what you want in your next relationship work towards it and make it known. ( real stuff not fickle qualities)
- Fight through the desperation stage, no settling. If you want a good man don't sell your self short in to thinking that having a man is good. Know your worth. It may take a while to find him or for him to notice, but the glory will be worth it. Anything worth doing is worth doing right and may take time, be patient. Hurry up and Wait.
- Be able to adjust, make sure you aren't filtering out the good one and narrowing your scope too much in your search, don't neglect the friend that has interest, the guy at the grocery store, etc.
- GGo on some dates - just enjoy someones company
They aren't hard fast rules but they will help, it takes between half as much time to double, sometimes more time than the relationship you were in to get over it. Especially a log one. If more people would do this there would be less single but emotionally unavailable and unnecessarily single people walking around making it hard on the rest of us
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