Is he faking it , or are you really in a relationship ?

After last weeks blog , I didn’t intend to jump directly into this subject matter immediately, but after a number of messages and request after mentioning , I guess I kind of have to and will oblige. Now fellas this will be a challenging word, i suggest you search within yourself and figure out if its you and if so, fix yourself and end the BS with your self and the ladies. Ladies its going to be kind of lengthy but worth your while. 

This topic comes from a gross misunderstanding of the nature of your relationship with someone and it happens way too often, I’ve seen it predominately with young people, especially in college, but it happens to us seasoned veterans that never learned how to properly date also. In order to understand Im going to drop a few quotes from myself and some friends and it will set things up for you. I’d also go back and read my other blogs and see what has been previously said about unmet expectation and lack of communication.

“Its been said that women can fake an orgasm, but men can fake a whole relationship”. “ Women give sex for love, and men give love for sex”.

“Men usually put women in one of three categories, she’s just a friend, she can get it, and wifey” essentially wifey just means serious relationship material or special. 

Now I see it happen every semester, young girls come to college in search of educational attainments and leave with PHD’s in life lessons, as we all do. But young women are preyed upon on college campus, the minute they step on the campus. Lets take the scenario, she eventually meets a young male that wants to spend some more time with her, he treats her well, she likes him, they hang out a whole lot, she makes it known she has a boyfriend. She has a boyfriend but does she have a relationship ? Lets remember now that a relationship is built on something, and is headed towards something and that monogamy does not equal a relationship. 

Whats sad to say is that most times these relationship are lets be frank, little more than monogamous “ friends with benefits/ fuck buddies” How can this be so and why would a man want to do this, lets visit our second quote “ women give sex for love, men give love for sex.” She gets lulled to sleep by the fact that he is not acting like a player, he is willing to be seen with her, the sex is good, but, he doesn’t have plans of taking it much further than the sex.  Have you ever heard a man, usually about 24-25 yrs. old say he’s looking for stability, that usually means he’s sick of hoeing around and jumping bed to bed, and catching drama. He’s not ready to settle down as in marry or nothing, but he’s ready to explore sex on the regular with one woman ( stability).

I know this to be true, because I’ve done it, seen it, and tried to warn women of it. I personally want to apologize to women that have been hurt by me doing this, one very special one in particular. This is why I stress communication so much, because you don’t want to end up with wasted time, and feelings, just to find out that your time line was shorter than one they didn’t really have. See sometimes men settle with a woman so that they can get the sex they want, they play the role of the boyfriend, but its still all just sex to him, and they don’t realize its what they are doing. Women also settle, because they have never been treated like this before, he seems mature, he’s different, they don’t want to be alone, they don’t want to just sleep with anybody. But ladies you get no extra points for being able to say that the man you slept, with was your boyfriend. 

Honestly its taboo but , sometimes a one night stand or just having friend with benefits, maintenance man, whatever you call him, is better than having a fake relationship. It saves you a lot of heartache, and emotion at the back end. So how do you avoid this ? As always, proper conversation, you’ve got to ask the right questions. Ask besides sex what do we have, do we ever see ourselves going beyond this, ever getting married etc. The right questions will let you know how far down the road you two are planning for, so that one doesn’t have to high of hopes and gets hurt, and if you cant deal with it end the relationship then.  

And fellas just saying Im not trying to settle down now is not enough, you have to man up and tell a woman how far you want to go with her honestly, if you just want to hit it every now and then, until something else comes along or what ever say it, you’ll be called an ass hole, but they will respect your honesty, and they will be able to make a educated decision they can live with, rather than feeling tricked. 

So question your relationships, and figure it out. You have a boyfriend, but do you have a relationship ?  Is he faking it , or are you really in a relationship ?