Are you Going on Dates, Dating or you Courting?

It can easily be agreed that there are a lot of things about the opposite sex, dating, love, relationships and marriage that no one tells us, but yet, we somehow have to figure out. And if you’ve read this blog enough, or have dated enough you should be able to figure out that the biggest reason for dating mishaps and problems is that we just simply don’t know how to do it correctly, we do it too fast, out of order, and we have too many unmet expectations, which come from lack of communication. 

Another major problem in our dating world today is the fact that we often send mixed messages by not following the proper protocol of dating. Most people that are currently in a troubling relationship or that are consistently in and out of relationships, can usually tell you that the reason something isn’t working or didn’t work, is because they were at two different points in the relationship. One was taking it more serious than the other, one thought they were further along, one was investing more, one had bigger goals etc, etc. 

Now theses things can be handled with proper communication up front, but they can also be handled and reinforced by doing things in the proper order, time frame, point and level of the relationship. We live in a world now where we do everything way, way too fast, and when you do things too fast you make mistakes, simple and great, that could have been avoided. Dating is like Math, you can avoid the simple mistakes by slowing down and double checking, you can at least get partial credit then. But we rush to the conclusion, skip the work and end up with nothing. 

We jump into the end game of the relationship way before its time, after a few talks on the phone, a few outings, a semi romantic evening and a few text; convince ourselves that we love this person, give them titles, and think that it’ll last forever. We fast tract relationships, we get attached to quickly, give our time to much and to quickly, become exclusive to early, get emotionally invested and sexually involved way too early, on average people have sex with each other after about the third date or in the first month, but expect that all will go perfect without proper steps, conversation or protocol. 

See many people confuse going on dates, dating, and courting. Going on dates is the beginning of the selection process, you shouldn’t be discussing titles, monogamy nothing. Your checking your options, cut a few select people away from the herd and now you go out every now and then with each of them, to see who will make the next cut, you can be honest and tell them you see other people. If you don’t go out on dates with multiple people how do you know who you like? Women should do this more often because men certainly exercise their options. This is how women think they are in relationships and end up to be little more than a sex friend to some dudes ( future article to come).Monogamy is cool but in its place, and this is not the spot for it. Remember a relationship is built on something and is heading somewhere, but at this spot nothing has been built.

Dating is like the second cut for a basketball team, you’ve narrowed it down to your best fits and now you’re trying to decide who you’re star player is. You’ve figured out who is cool for going out with but not for building a relationship with. Now you can start doing your semi heavy investing of emotions and discussing monogamy, etc. Now foundations are being built. The reason why most of us cant do this correctly is because we try to go out with one person at a time, go as far as possible with them, build something, then if it doesn't work, we start from scratch. Thats too much heart ache, and then we have no one in our dating circle so we have to start that all over again also, and until then we get to sit and stew. This is terrible. 

Courting is the step most people skip to way too early. This is not a one month two month things. This is the goggly eyed and all night on the phone, hang out all the time stage, the stage everybody wants. But it has to be with the right person. This is what many of us would consider a serious, committed, monogamous relationship. This is the exclusive portion. You’re looking for and to give the VIP treatment. When you enter this stage, this is when you should start doing the serious stuff like meeting each others families, going out of town together, telling deep dark secrets, sharing feelings, exchanging major gifts because now you’re looking at settling down, thinking of engagements and marriages. Thats the purpose of courting. At this stage you don't just love someone but you’re in love, its bigger than sex, attraction, infatuation, or impressing people now.  The problem is many want to feel like they are in love but they just love the way being with someone makes them feel, because they are lonely, but won admit it. 

I challenge you to try this, go out meet people, talk to and go on dates with multiple people, filter through them and find the one compatible with what you are, want and hope to become. Know why people want to date you and why you want to date them. Do they just want to go on dates to the movies, to dinner, to the game, and essentially hang out? Do they want to be dating you, be a lil more serious closer than friends, possibly building something, maybe a relationship? Do they want to court, the major steps in a relationship, are they ready to stop being single and playing the field? I can and will go further in depth later, but this is my perspective, what yours? Questions and comments