No one teaches you how to do that, pt1

When I was younger my mom used to tell me don’t rush to be old, I see why now. Some parts of being an adult suck, especially the parts that make no sense. There are too many parts of adult life that no one teaches you but they expect you to know and get right, think about it. There are a number of examples. Jobs want you to have experience yet no one will hire you to give it to you. No one teaches us how to properly date, especially to not move to fast, how to break up, how to move on, how to argue, communicate, how to satisfy or be satisfied sexually. These are things we usually figure out through trial and error and numerous times of being disappointed and fed up. Mean while every one looks at us as if we should know.

I feel sorry for kids these days because rather or not they try they are growing up too fast, their world moves at break neck speed. They know more than they ever have known before, and have to know more than they should know. I have a mentoring program for young ladies 12-18, where older women give them advice and teach them things they wish they were taught and told at that age. While talking about relationships, one 14 year old ask, if no one teaches us, how are we supposed to know whats right and what love is? She sort of caught all the adults off guard,  even being the only male in the room I think I had a pretty decent answer and it holds true for all of us.

Said it before and ill say it countless time more, in order to date properly we first have to recognize and acknowledge that the people we  are attracted to and the people that possess the types of qualities we would like to find in a mate are usually two different people. We have to get pass just looks or sexual imagery. Because most physical and outward things are fleeting. Know that a relationship, is built on something and its headed towards a destination (i.e. trust, headed towards a marriage).

 Looks, money, popularity, sexual ability, status, athletic ability etc are all things that can change with in a blink of an eye. They are also things that a sustainable serious relationship shouldn’t be built on, yet we try. We usually walk around with our fantasy person in our head and try to use them as our standard. But its only a fantasy. If we chase those things we’ll never be happy because there will always be somebody finer, smarter, with more money, and a better body, more powerful and more popularity. 

The people we usually end up happily dating aren’t our fantasy, usually was not our first choice, but are usually the most compatible with us.  Our fantasy person usually is a person thats like a student with A’s in certain categories but they fail in every thing meaningful, mean while the one we’re compatible with is like the consummate B & C student. 

Fantasy has A’s in looks and sex appeal, but you hate talking to them, they selfish, they’re not loyal, you don’t want them meeting your parents. The one you fall in love with may not be the best looking but they attractive to you, you don’t mind them meeting your parents, etc. Love is when you strip away all the things that made them a good catch to fickle people, or those things change, and you can still find a reason to love them anyway, when everyone else cant understand  why or how.  This is why its important to know why we date people and why they are interested in dating us and we should ask these questions upfront. 

We too often look for people to help complete us, rather than compliment us. We have to come into relationships, especially loving ones, complete already. Its like a merger of two successful companies. I personally like women that  are strong enough to do it by themselves but woman enough to know she’d rather have a man by her side as she does it, you want companionship. We too often date the ones with potential not the ones that “ARE” already.

I hope I helped the young lady but to be honest, even as adults most of us don’t absolutely know, because we’re still figuring this dating, relationship, and love thing out