When I started this series on types of relationship I let it be known that no matter what type of relationship you are in, it still requires maturity, honesty, trust etc, just like a traditional relationship. Well, we’re now about to step away from the traditional, way away, but let this be remembered, the further away from traditional you are the more honest, mature, trusting, understanding you have to be, and the harder it is to get into maintain a relationship because most people don’t understand these types of relationships, so the relationship pool is smaller. If you’re someone that doesn’t want monogamy, it does not mean that you can just play around and act an ass, because you will ruin your reputation amongst that type of dating community 4 or 5 times faster than traditional dating because those types of people are rare. Rather you agree with it or not everybody is not interested in exclusive, monogamous relationships. Monogamy is a lot like college, its not for everybody and sometimes you cant appreciate it until you’ve tried other things and/or know what your other options are. And this series is about knowing your options. That warning beings out lets talk Polyamory ( dun dun duuuuuun!)
Polyamory is having multiple partners, with the consent and knowledge of the others. Its about as untraditional as you can get. But its extreme honesty, transparency and trust, there is no sneaking around, lying or games, or what would be considered cheating in a traditional relationship. Obviously its about communication and respecting what everyone in the relationship is comfortable with and accepting of. There are varying degrees of how serious these relationships are, from having a number of very serious loving relationships to having a number of friends with benefits that all know about each other.
Now let it be known that the average person, no matter how much they don’t want to be in monogamous relationship or not want anything serious, no matter what they say are not cool knowing about the other people you deal with. Even when not the only one most people like the illusion that they are, because for the most part people are usually serial monogamous. Most people would not agree, to know the person they are with or interested in, is messing around with other people , physically or emotionally. But once again its your relationship and you define whats right for you and what you want out of your relationships, its no one else's business or right to tell you, whats acceptable to you.
Quick example of how a polyamorous relationships work. I had a friend that was simultaneously very seriously involved with two people at the same time.Instead of having one serious relationship he had two, and they knew about each other. Now this was not some freaky, perverse 3 way arrangement as you may be thinking or some he wanted his cake and eat it too type of situation. There was no trickery or any pimping or anything going on, no one involved was a stupid, confused or anything like that. Instead of having one serious, loving relationship he had two
In a more non serious way, in college I participated in polyamory in my own way. At one point in time I was regularly messing with 4 women. Now it was agreed and known that none of us wanted serious relationships, to settle down, or even bf/gf relationships at that time. We wanted to go on dates, enjoy each other company and on occasion get maintenance. So we operated like this, all of my partners knew of each other before we started doing anything. It was up to them if they wanted to meet or not, but they were aware of each other. If sex was involved we all got tested regularly. Any additional dudes they were dealing with I just wanted to know about, and that they were being safe also, for my safety. I didn’t have control or a say so over who they messed with, and at any point in time someone decided they wanted more from the relationship, they let the other know, so they can decide rather thats what they wanted or not and rather it was time to change the nature of the relationship or end it.
Now many men and women, especially in college have multiple partners, but usually they call themselves sneaking/creeping around trying not to get caught. My relationships were much easier, because everyone knew they weren’t the only one or possible. Now I missed on dealing with a lot of women who were not down with that arrangement, but my reputation was always intact because I was honest about what I wanted and what my intentions were, there was no tricks, games or sneaking. And the same can be said for my partners. I wasn’t considered a playa, I was very secretive about who I dealt with, even to this day. Many people were messing with 2 or 3 people and when they found out about each other, shit hit the fan.
Now since those days, we’ve all gone on to want or have monogamous relationships. Its about where you are in your life and what you want from a partner and being able to express and look for it. Polyamory is just like polygamy, its taboo, but it can work and it can be an option if you really take time to pay attention to what is and whats not before judging and making conclusions. Just have to understand from the person in its perspective minus your personal beliefs and feelings. Just remember everything , aint for every body.Any way that another option, we’ll explore some more later
My experience, my opinion and my perspective. Whats your?
Brother,
ReplyDeleteIt's your boy Sam Pierre.I'm feeling the blog---even when I don't agree.
One point of clarification though that I tend to see that causes much confusion:
The terms monogamy and monandry actually refer specifically to marriage. There is no term that refers to what really goes on in Western societies. Maybe I will attempt to coin one? Since we use the term polyamorous, how about monamorous? Having sex with one person at a time is not monogamy or monandry if you are not married to them; it is(now called)monoamory.
I personally think that the reason there is no term in the Western languages to describe this state of affairs is because of the attempt to disguise the reality of promiscuity. Case in point: when I speak to people about polygamy(polygyny) they automatically assume that I am speaking of promiscuity. The immediate negative reaction shows that it is about ideas of sexual jealousy, with respect to multiple partners, which is somehow viewed as "disgusting", which belies the deep-seated sexual repression and dysfunction we have in our societies. Sex is seen almost as something so disgusting, subconsciously, that it should be done with only one person, since, after all, the biological drive does make it a NEED. So the person who does it with more than one woman is "nasty".
Is that a coincidence? I think not. We in the Western societies have been conditioned to accept promiscuity, but polygyny is unacceptable. I hope to expose this hypocrisy. A man can have as many simultaneous sexual relationships as he wants, but he cannot marry them all? LOL. I wish people knew the real reason behind anti-polygamy legislation.
Just the anthropological perspective from ya boy.
Be blessed