Life and basketbal

Life is like playing basketball. Some people have offense, but can't play defense. Some people have defense and can't play offense. Meaning in life they can give it but cant take it, or they can take it but can't give it. Some are best in transition, some are best in a slow methodical grind it out pace. Some people can make everybody around them better, consummate team players, some can only do it for themselves. Some can get their own shot, some can't. They Key to it all is to train like you want to play, to be valuable you've got get separation, you don't win it in the game, you win in the preparation. Bottom line, quite waiting on an alley-oop get up off your ass and work on your jump shot.

Slin_K
@slin_k_polymath on Twitter

Privacy

We undervalue privacy now days. Don't chronicle and catalog every moment of your life. Keep some special moments to yourself, they'll be even more special that way. Braggarts and blabber mouths often hang out together. The reason why some of us have a gang of people that think they know us better than they do and assume they know our situations, is not because they're nosy, but more so because we report to the world everything that goes on in our daily lives via social media. Every thought, emotion, experience, and accomplishment is not for public record or consumption.

Knowing is half the battle

Knowing your worth is not enough. You have to apply the price and act like it also. What good is knowing you're priceless if you act worthless, bargain priced or you give yourself away to anyone willing to pay. GI joe wisdom ladies and gentlemen, knowing is only half the battle

Crabs in a barrel - Change the Narrative

I think the term crabs in a barrel is one of the most misunderstood saying in our life time. Crabs have gotten a bad rap, people assume that crabs crawl up over each other and when one gets to the top, the others maliciously and intentionally snatch the one down. When in actuality, anyone that's ever sat in a fish market will tell you,what crabs do is out of ignorance. Crabs attempt to do exactly what ants do when they can't cross a barrier, they climb over each other to build a bridge, THE PROBLEM, crabs aren't built to climb, and they are too heavy to pull off this maneuver. If you ever sit in a fish market, you 'll also see that when the top crab reaches the top and is able to balance himself on the ledge, he may reach back his claw down to help another, but the weight pulls them both back. Its the their ignorance not their meanness. Where others see negative I see relentless, crabs don't realize they can fail, they keep trying regardless, and eventually you may see two get out together, that's called making an adjustment. We should be just like the crabs keep trying against all odds and make the necessary adjustments until we succeed. If you can't free everybody, free one, if you can't free any, free yourself, but keep trying, even if you not meant to climb and you're given a bad rap because people misunderstand. ‪#‎daily‬ ‪#‎inspiration‬ ‪#‎ChangeTheNarrative‬

Some of you are in relationships and don’t even know it

Some of you are in relationships and don’t even know it, intimately dating at that, yet refuse to acknowledge or claim it.

What do I mean?

Some of you have met your soul mate and turned them away?

Who? Where are they located?

They’re in the friend zone, right where you banished them.

“But we’re friends there is nothing intimate about that” (in your sarcasm annoyed voice. Disappointed because you thought I had new info huh?  Disappointed because you’re in denial that it’s true.)

WRONG! You have some one that has given you the main ingredients of a relationship: love, support, and intimacy. Someone who guards your feeling, emotions, mental well-being and your heart. You obviously trust them. If you have a problem they’d gladly solve it if possible or at least listen and support. Being their friend is a never-ending journey and full of surprises, guess what, that’s spontaneity. If all of this were to ever stop, and you two were no longer friends, guess what it’d feel just like a break up; your heart would hurt, you’d be emotional, you ‘d reminisce, etc.

Why would you push something so good away or even more foolish recommend it for someone rather than yourself? Don’t you deserve to be loved right also? You already are being loved right so why would you give it away? If you tried to hook them up with say, one of your female friends, you’d be doing everyone a disservice. Because said female is subject to ask, “ if he’s that good, why have you passed on him?” And that’s a great question why is he good enough for her and not you? Stick situation isn’t it? There’s no good answer either.

Some of you are in relationships and don’t know it. Because you’re not even really single, you’re holding out for better. Possibly being greedy. You’re setting up a scenario to have your cake and eat it too. So the question is why do you need to emotionally occupy this person and risk the chance of damaging both them and yourself? Why do you need/ want both them and another person? The rich truly get richer huh? There are already too many bitter men and emotionally damaged women, and stuff like this can damage men and make them emotionally absent.  

Women often don’t want to leave bad or unproductive relationships because of time invested, yet most are hesitant to stay in, pursue or further explore a good one that they’ve already invested time in (smh, tisk tisk).

I mean you have all that you ever want in this friendship, you have someone that accepts and loves you for you. If you can’t be yourself around the person you're with, it’s not your partner, and you already have it in this friend. Someone that misses you and thinks about you when you’re gone, and wants to be around you when you’re around, how is this not idea exactly? Someone who does the little things, little gifts, small conversations that make bad days better, makes holidays and birthdays special just so you aren't let out because your single. Because you meet those types of dudes everyday, right?

Your friend is ideal; by being their friend you’ve already done the hard part of the relationship work. You’ve taken your time to get to know them; they’re still around so they are obviously worth it. You’ve been earned and you’ve earned them, because we don’t give friendship away, people earn our company, earn our friendship, they earn the right to know us emotionally. You have what many people in relationships and marriages wish for intimacy.  You do realize that at most engagements, weddings, and anniversary, heck even funerals you hear people say they married their best friends, and the person that compliments them. Who ever you choose to be with should be the reciprocal of yourself, why reject that? Why take that person for granted? You mean a person is good enough to know your secrets, desires of your hearts, hopes, dreams and maybe even your fantasies, yet not good enough to date?  WTH?

You have a person that encourages you, wants to see you happy, make you happy and willingly supports you, and that’s not enough? Unbelievable!

“Friends” is a convenient excuse. Being “ just Friends” takes the pressure off of the maintenance part of a relationship. But, in actuality you’ve already been doing the maintenance and upkeep of a relationship, any friendship requires maintenance of the relationship. Once again you’ve already done the hard parts, the parts that most single people find so difficult about dating and getting to know people and trusting them. The only thing you two haven’t done is officially declared yourselves exclusive to each other. You have the best friends with benefits ever, the benefit of actual friendship.

So what they are not everything that you want? Guess what nobody is, but they’ll be everything you need. So what they’re not the person you saw for yourself. Means you found a diamond in the rough, or love in an unexpected place. Someone once told me that love is like a hole in the ground, if you look for it, you’ll never fall in it. It’s found you, why can’t you embrace that? It’s not about your first choice; it’s about the right choice. The fact that both of you have remained single in the flowers of love, just maybe confirmation.  It’s spoiled and childish to hold out for better if you when you have a winner. It’s immature and an insult to your friendship to decide that dating them is settling. Settling for what? Happiness is that a bad compromise for a backup plans and second choice. IJS its craziness to me, but what do I know? 

That’s my perspective at least, and it’s my experience. What’s yours?

Slin_K
@slin_k_polymath

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Actions speak louder than words, is a daily phrase thrown around loosely but not paid attention to nearly enough.  It’s a phrase that is starting to apply to relationships. I hear a lot of people talk about, complaining about being single, but I’ve noticed that their actions don’t exactly line up with someone that wants to be in a relationship. The actions most people have are more of a leave me alone attitude and that doesn’t line up with a person that wants any kind of relationship. (Serious, long term, casual dating or friendship).

The leave me alone attitude suggest that you want to be single and by yourself. Their used to be a time when people that were looking to date, would be single and ready to mingle.  Now everybody claims to be looking, but doing it almost with his or her eyes closed. More like playing the part, going through the motions, not truly looking at all, at least that’s what their actions reveal.

Lets examine a few examples.  There’s the person that doesn’t mingle at all. We all know a home body that refuses to go out and do anything. Unless you’re going to meet people on the internet (a seemingly taboo suggestion), unless the person is going to break in your house to discover you, you’re not truly looking. You have to be where people are, to give yourself a shot to approach or be approached, hell to even be seen. If you stay in the comfort of solitude are you really searching for companionship?

Or, are you the person that goes out, but might as well have stayed home? The person at the lounge that doesn’t want to be bothered, the person at the networking event that’s occupied with their phone screen (usually posting statuses about how bored they are), or the person at the party that wants to be a wall flower, doesn’t want to dance and is only their to associate with people they came with. Well unless you’re going to date someone already in your circle, a friend, or you’re going to approach people, this is self-defeating and you may as well be at home on the couch with the homebody. Especially if you appear unapproachable, if you’re taking drinks but wont hold a conversation, denying all dances, you looked annoyed, bored, upset, or as if the place is not up to your standards. Who wants to be with a complainer or a party pooper? Stay at home or learn to make the best out of what the situation is. You don’t have to be a social butterfly or on every scene, but don’t be socially awkward nor unapproachable.

WORST of all there is the TIME WASTER. These people take pump faking to a different level. Are you the person that will meet someone, exchange/ take their number, potentially make plans then just not follow through? This is like waiting to the dress rehearsal to drop out. What makes it so bad is, these are people that fake looking, but even worst they fake interest. This is not only self-defeating, it also goes against grown adult etiquette.

Why are adults still playing middle school games? 9.9 times out of 10 when a person approaches us or is interested in us, we already know rather or not we’re interested, it’s a simple yes or no. The whole letting a person down gently formalities are truly disingenuous ways of just wasting a person’s time. If you’re not interested, don’t take their number, nor give yours. Taking a persons number and never calling or just ignoring their number when they call is childish, especially if they were cool and respectable in their approach. Games like that turn good people into a-holes. When you take or give your number with no intention to use it what you’re really doing is finding the quickest way to end an uncomfortable conversation, in hopes the person will leave you alone.  Stop saying your flattered as if it’s really a compliment, especially when you’re really not, every man knows that flattered always comes with a “BUT” usually followed by an eventual No. As soon as you know it’s No or that you’re not interested say so, don’t have a person wondering or worse have to put themselves out there multiple times only to be let down. Everything in this generation has changed, Persistence used to mean something, it used to be rewarded. Now people think its desperation, it used to mean that you were loyal and truly cared. Future generation will never have the love stories, where a dude asked a woman on a date countless times , and then she said Yes.

  And stop with the explanations. A patronizing nNo is way worse and way more upsetting than a no. Grown mature adults do not need explanations for a no. A simple no, or I’m not interested but thank you is fine, but when you start the whole its not that there’s a problem with you, your cool… but… Let’s just be friends schpeil, it 1.) doesn’t soften the blow. 2.) It’s not believed because what ever you say after NO, is usually BS.  Let’s be real you don’t really want to be friends (over used word) in any sense of the word; you want to be cordial in public. You have no desire to do any of the things that fiends do, we’re not gone talk in private, hang out or even get to know each other after you say no. If you had any interest in even doing that, you would have said we could go out as friends, or you would have asked some questions to make sure you two have the same idea.

 So there is another good point, get clarification. There are different types dates. Not all dates lead to a dating relationship or are intended to. So ask what kind of date, see if the person just wants to get to know you, it could be all they want is a simple dinner date, movie date, lunch date, or they would like your company at a show or event; but once you say no or waste their time, there is no going back and they probably won’t even want to be your friend, be cause you were an a-hole and insensitive.

Your actions always will prove why your words mean nothing. So if you wish to be in a relationship, act like it, make your self available. If you’re in a social setting, mingle. If you don’t feel like being bothered, don’t go. If you don’t want to converse with a guy, buy your own drink and don’t accept any. Don’t dress up for attention and be upset when you receive some, most importantly don’t waste your time or the other persons. How you react to attention you don’t want, also affects the attention you get or may want. Both genders talk, and they also watch how you treat others, if you’re looking as if you don’t want to be bothered, no one will.

My Perspective at least, what’s yours?

Slin-K

@Slin_k_polymath on twitter

The Feminization of Men

Ive noticed a lot of women complaining about the feminization of men. I'm gone need women to be consistent in your convictions and arguments and stop talking out of both sides of your mouth. The same women complaining, are the same women who have been accepting, supporting, permitting, promoting and excusing men being effeminate and androgynous for years. Ya'll had no problem with Prince, Michael Jackson, drag queens, or models etc. wearing heels, make up, having their nails done, permed hair, tight/feminine clothing etc. In fact you excused it, spoke of how sexy it was. For some reason its even become popular for women to go see drag queen shows on girls night out. But now that regular men you see on the street are wearing perms, carrying the equivalent of clutches and handbags, men make up is being marketed, dudes are wearing heels, full sets of nails; ya'll are very vocal. I don't support it nor am I defending it, but realize ladies you had a large hand in this monster you created. You can't complain about the lack of real men, when you've been faithfully supporting the ones that are culturally normative females. I know you've been convinced you can have it both ways about most things, that you never have to accept blame, but you can't.

 

Settling

Settle is such a bad word, because people don't know the difference between it, adapt and compromise. Trying not to settle, many often are always looking for better and can't appreciate what they have. A Fine line exist between never settling and never being satisfied, two sides of the same coin and they look very much a like. Never underestimate or forget the power of a blessing in disguise.

The popular excuses and debates persist

There is a difference between who you want, who you need, and who you settle for.... You know the dude that you've placed deep in the friend zone, he's probably the one that has the characteristics you want and the one you need. You can't/ wont date him because he's your friend. But ask any soon to be newly wed, long time married person or widow what’s the secret, they all say they married their best friend. Yet you're passing on yours and making excuses for your self sabotage...  One of the popular questions amongst single people is what do women want? You want the answer, two things CONTROL and the ability to change her mind at will. Don’t get me wrong she wants the laundry list too; stability, respect, effort, affection, etc. But above all she wants to control who gives that to her and what his circumstances are. A lot of women are single because the attributes they like in a man and the men they are attracted to are two different types of men. (Same for you fellas) It’s a bunch of Chivalrous, compassionate yada yada men out her, but if he doesn't meet the profile that’s in your head, then the characteristics just aint gone be enough.

Oh and stop being self-fulfilling prophets, if you only look for the bad in men, it's all you'll find. You can find reasons not to date anyone. (I.e popular bs reasons; too nice, too good to be true, he's my friend, I like bad boys)  Even if he's in the church, has a career whatever. You’ll only find problems if that’s all your focused on. There are no perfect people, not even you. There are no perfect circumstances, not even yours, no matter how much wife material you're made from. So hear peoples story, give some chances and stop trying to box people in, think how much you hate to be profiled or boxed in because of your hair color, skin color, zodiac sign, age, weight, occupation, etc. Here is a suggestion stop making friends for a while, and focus on dating, if you want a relationship.
 

You can’t set rules that you can’t follow, have standards that you can’t meet, or judge situations you are currently in or just recently got out of. You can’t rally against double standards, them set them at you convenience.

And stop running from doing work in a relationship. There are once again no perfect people, but also there are no complete people, people are constantly changing. Nothing comes easy, that is lasting. You have to be willing to do the work. You can’t want someone to come to you complete, yet you want to be accepted for being under construction

My perspective, What’s Yours?

Slin_K

@slin_k_polymath

Lerarn to feel

Greetings its been forever I know, I don't really use this anymore, maybe I should start back. Im on twitter and face book a lot more now and I haven't really been writing articles, and definitely not solo articles much. I've been doing a lot of stuff in collectives and doing list; you know 8 ways to know if blah blah blah. I used to used this blog for when I'd write an article whatever didn't get used, I post. But if you want to hear from me on a more regular basis catch me on facebook at //www.facebook.com/onemanmanytalents, follow the page and you can get my thoughts and inspirations daily, on a variety of subjects.

As you probably know I ghost write articles whenever possible. And I recently just got through assisting with a piece concerning how feelings or the lack of are damaging relationships, especially people that are or wish to get married. These are parts that didn't make the article, its a few lines in their the writer fought really hard to get in, but because of space and the compromise to keep some other stuff in the article these tid bits had to hit the cutting room floor, but they were still good pieces of advice. So I wanted to share. Do with them what you will. 

… Allow yourself to feel, the problem with cold callous people, is when they should feel something or want to, they often can't.

It’s messed up, but in order to love, in order to trust, you also have to know how to hurt. One of the worst things in this society we have going, is that we tell people to get out of their feelings and to not be “emo” (short for emotional). Why? So what, were emotional creatures, but everybody trying to be hard, is creating a generation of emotionally unstable people, jaded women and bitter men. Love is a gamble; I put you in the position where you could ultimately hurt me every day, but I trust you to not and trust that you wont. And if you do, I’ll search for a way to forgive you anyway. That is the loyalty, unconditional; that we often speak of , yet fail to practice…

Slin_K
@Slin_K_polymath on twitter