What you're phone bahhits say about your relationship

Can you or who ever you deal with pick up each other’s phone and look through it whenever they want, no questions asked. Pick your jaws up, I can feel you getting offended as I write this. But serious question, the higher up on the type of relationship chain you are the less absurd that question and the resulting answer should be.  I mean if you kicking it, you’re a side chick, you only have a friends with benefits thing, then its foolishness, but if you are married, engaged, committed then you may want to examine your relationship if it sounds absurd.

Do you know what the true test of trust is in the technology age, rather or not your mate will let you see their phone. How do you have trust in a relationship, where you have to lock your phone and have a secret password? That’s not transparency at all in a relationship. 

A friend of mine used to say recognize the signs, and the only reason people lie is because they are afraid of you or have something to hide. We’ll not being transparent and keeping secrets is lying to some people.  The behavior alone tells a lot, its says that you possibly would lie about something. It always starts small, hiding little things, and then it makes it easier to hide things like, bills, things you snuck and bought, people you are dealing with and inappropriate relationships, etc. It all starts with secrets, just a thought. My opinion, my belief, my perspective. What’s Yours? Sound Off

Slin-K

@slin_k_polymath

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The age old question : Is age really just a number ?

Its the age Old question, Is age really nothing but a number ? Is it really just a state of mind hmmm? Well the answer to that is yes and no depends on what we're talking about, in how you feel, yes, in you enthusiasm, yes, life in general, yes, but when you get specific such as relationships, age is definitely more than a number and more than state of mind.

While its true that maturity, knowledge wisdom, experience and the like are not mutually exclusive to age, they do play a significant role when it comes to relationships and dating. Age plays a great deal generally in our experiences and maturity  what we we believe is appropriate, what we desire in life and what we wish to share just to name a few.

There are benefits and problems to dating someone older or younger, and you should really consider being able. At least consider going on dates with people outside your age range, once again you don't know what you like to you try.   The major problem is finding the window and range to date them. Its easier to date outside your age range when you are older, above 25. 25 is about optimum because you can date up or down with a true range and still get the benefits. Below 25 you can only really date up, you cant really date down yet, not to boundaries of your possible range.

The hard thing about it is setting a proper range. I know we all know or have heard of some people dating people 10 +  years they jr or sr , but you can best believe its not easy. Its hard to date someone when your priorities in life are completely different, you want to attend a benefit dinner they want to go to the step show after party, you thinking about settling down and kids, they thinking about finishing school, you starting to think about retirement plans, they haven't even figured out they first job etc, etc

Age range can make it hard to relate to each other. I personally do 7 up and 7 down. Im 29 , so ill date between 22 and 36, but the extremes of that are pushing it. About 4 or 5 is about right, but ill gladly take a 20 yr old on a date but in order to get a relationship she gone have to be phenomenal. Ill break down the range in a later piece take this as a small intro to start thinking about.......


My experience, my opinion, my perspective

Slin-K
@slin_k_polymath

Slin-K answers, why men dont match make

Dear Slin-k , long time reader, I got put on to your writing by the ladies in my office at work, <3 the work Keep it Up. I have a question regarding men, I have male friends, cousins, brothers and what not , and they have friends but they never want to introduce me to any of them even if I like them, what is that all about? They dont want me to like any or date any of their friends , why is that? Ive heard that from my homeboys it may be because they like me, is that true and are my family members just being overprotective? Help me understand sincerely...........

Dear anonymous ( name protected) thanks for the love, glad im helping someone or entertaining you, either way glad to make you think and start discussions.
As far as men introducing you to their friends, most men are overly protective of the women we know with the men that we know. There are a number of reasons. Could they like you possibly, over protective to  a degree. Most likely for your friends and relatives  its the fact that most men know the good and bad of their friends and no matter how good he may be now, we always remeber the wild and crazy things they did to girls, and things we have witnessed and we dont want there to even be a possibility of that to happen to a woman we know. We’ll feel like we set you up.

Also most men dont want to think about a dude they real cool with sexing a woman we know, it just messes with our head.

Lastly also most importantly, its not so much of a hating thing, but most men wont be the match maker, they wont hook ya’ll up, but if you want to approach him he wont say anything. Reason, especially in a friends situation, you dont want two of your friends dating because if it go wrong and ya’ll break up he doesnt want to have to choose between the both of ya’ll and /or split time between ya’ll. Because when a break up happens between friends its like a divorce.  SO I can guarentee they not totally against it, but they are not for it either.
Talk to them, Im sure they’ll tell you all the good and bad of their friends, they may emphasize the bad, but thats a warning, we only want the best for the women we know, better than us, and we tend to think of our friends as on our level, even if we are the best of the best.

Why Men have problems Committing

Fellas a great piece of wisdom " Thing about relationships, that all men need to realize because I've had this problem too, and felt guilty about it, the reality is that men are Always going to want to F*&k other women. And a lot of times when you find the woman that's the woman of your dreams and you love her and she's all that you ever wanted in a woman, you're afraid to forward in committing to her and marrying her because you really feel bad about wanting to Smash other women. It don’t mean anything is wrong with your girl, she's still your GREAT find, but you always gone want to smash somebody else." - Phonte     It would be easy if when you got with someone you stop being attracted to other people but you don't.  Its a hell of a truth for many men, and its something we usually cant explain but this quote explains it perfectly, and many of men have lost one or two good women because they keep them waiting trying to defeat these feelings. Ladies you can play a very helping supporting role when a man is going through something like this, when you want a commitment and he’s saying wait. First realize its not you, but also realize this doesn't make him wrong or bad or not serious or anything, he doesn't know how to deal with  it, and delaying it until he defeats is his thought pattern. However its a none winning battle because no matter how long of a relationship you been in, how perfect, etc men fantasize, think about, desire, are attracted to,  have sexual urges towards other women.  Ladies accept it and let him know that if that's his holding back factor, you understand but he’ll always feel that way. In all honesty ladies never stop being attracted to men just because they are in a relationship, as long as no one starts acting on their urges outside the confines of the relationship shouldn’t be a problem. Something a woman I was interested in used do to make it not awkward so that I didn't feel guilty for noticing a fine woman, is she would point them out. I know its hard for women to acknowledge other women beauty, but that puts pressure on your men. SO its a exercise in humility for you and a big relief in stress and pressure for him, so he doesn't feel unnecessary guilt and mess around and loose a good thing trying to defeat something that will never go away.  Because most men go through this. My opinion, my experience ( a lil to much) and my perspective. Whats yours ? Sound off