The Give and Take of Friendship

You find out the strength of your friendships based on what people are willing to stop talking to you over, what issues they're willing to leave unresolved and what they refuse to apologize about.

Beware of people who don't understand or wish to practice the give and take of friendship. You find out who your friends are, when you need people to return to you; what you have given to them. People want loyalty, but not to have to be loyal. They want honesty, but they want options to be honest with you. They want you to trust them, but won't trust you. They wish to be forgiven, but won't forgive. They want you to ask for forgiveness, but they wouldn't dare ask for yours; that is too much like begging. They want you to make time when you're busy, but they wish to use the busy excuse or the everyone has their own problems excuse when you need a listening ear. Your sacrifice is appreciated, just as long as they don’t have to make one in return. They wish to not be in the middle when you need a neutral or listening ear. Your sacrifices, your faith in them, are all appreciated; just don’t require any of them. A keyword for any type of relationship, reciprocity.  

Beware of people who don't understand or wish to practice the give and take of friendship.

That’s my experience, my perspective what’s yours?

Slin-K

How do you give rejection?

Im positive I've probably written about this before, but considering that the industry hates it, refuses to cover, because every time I write it in a piece they edit it out, I'm going to continue to write it.

You can tell a lot about a person based on how they reject unwanted advances. We live in a world where the relationships between men and women are encouraged to be hostile and adversarial. I blame parents not teaching us how to date, both genders not knowing how to take rejection, and the way dating is portrayed in the movies, shows, stories and music we consume. We've been taught not to trust and to find a problem with everyone that approaches us. We live in a world where women are taught to lie, insult the intelligence of, play games or attempt to embarrass men they don't wish to accept.And men are taught to act as if they didn't really want you anyway, act as if they are doing you a favor by talking to you, pretend as if they have a myriad of other options, or embarrass the woman by telling her all that she is not (e.g. "You not all that anyway"). Bottom line stay classy, and act like an adult. How you give and take rejection speaks volumes about you.

Slin- K
@slin_k_polymath on Twitter / Instagram

Life and basketbal

Life is like playing basketball. Some people have offense, but can't play defense. Some people have defense and can't play offense. Meaning in life they can give it but cant take it, or they can take it but can't give it. Some are best in transition, some are best in a slow methodical grind it out pace. Some people can make everybody around them better, consummate team players, some can only do it for themselves. Some can get their own shot, some can't. They Key to it all is to train like you want to play, to be valuable you've got get separation, you don't win it in the game, you win in the preparation. Bottom line, quite waiting on an alley-oop get up off your ass and work on your jump shot.

Slin_K
@slin_k_polymath on Twitter

Privacy

We undervalue privacy now days. Don't chronicle and catalog every moment of your life. Keep some special moments to yourself, they'll be even more special that way. Braggarts and blabber mouths often hang out together. The reason why some of us have a gang of people that think they know us better than they do and assume they know our situations, is not because they're nosy, but more so because we report to the world everything that goes on in our daily lives via social media. Every thought, emotion, experience, and accomplishment is not for public record or consumption.

Knowing is half the battle

Knowing your worth is not enough. You have to apply the price and act like it also. What good is knowing you're priceless if you act worthless, bargain priced or you give yourself away to anyone willing to pay. GI joe wisdom ladies and gentlemen, knowing is only half the battle

Crabs in a barrel - Change the Narrative

I think the term crabs in a barrel is one of the most misunderstood saying in our life time. Crabs have gotten a bad rap, people assume that crabs crawl up over each other and when one gets to the top, the others maliciously and intentionally snatch the one down. When in actuality, anyone that's ever sat in a fish market will tell you,what crabs do is out of ignorance. Crabs attempt to do exactly what ants do when they can't cross a barrier, they climb over each other to build a bridge, THE PROBLEM, crabs aren't built to climb, and they are too heavy to pull off this maneuver. If you ever sit in a fish market, you 'll also see that when the top crab reaches the top and is able to balance himself on the ledge, he may reach back his claw down to help another, but the weight pulls them both back. Its the their ignorance not their meanness. Where others see negative I see relentless, crabs don't realize they can fail, they keep trying regardless, and eventually you may see two get out together, that's called making an adjustment. We should be just like the crabs keep trying against all odds and make the necessary adjustments until we succeed. If you can't free everybody, free one, if you can't free any, free yourself, but keep trying, even if you not meant to climb and you're given a bad rap because people misunderstand. ‪#‎daily‬ ‪#‎inspiration‬ ‪#‎ChangeTheNarrative‬

Some of you are in relationships and don’t even know it

Some of you are in relationships and don’t even know it, intimately dating at that, yet refuse to acknowledge or claim it.

What do I mean?

Some of you have met your soul mate and turned them away?

Who? Where are they located?

They’re in the friend zone, right where you banished them.

“But we’re friends there is nothing intimate about that” (in your sarcasm annoyed voice. Disappointed because you thought I had new info huh?  Disappointed because you’re in denial that it’s true.)

WRONG! You have some one that has given you the main ingredients of a relationship: love, support, and intimacy. Someone who guards your feeling, emotions, mental well-being and your heart. You obviously trust them. If you have a problem they’d gladly solve it if possible or at least listen and support. Being their friend is a never-ending journey and full of surprises, guess what, that’s spontaneity. If all of this were to ever stop, and you two were no longer friends, guess what it’d feel just like a break up; your heart would hurt, you’d be emotional, you ‘d reminisce, etc.

Why would you push something so good away or even more foolish recommend it for someone rather than yourself? Don’t you deserve to be loved right also? You already are being loved right so why would you give it away? If you tried to hook them up with say, one of your female friends, you’d be doing everyone a disservice. Because said female is subject to ask, “ if he’s that good, why have you passed on him?” And that’s a great question why is he good enough for her and not you? Stick situation isn’t it? There’s no good answer either.

Some of you are in relationships and don’t know it. Because you’re not even really single, you’re holding out for better. Possibly being greedy. You’re setting up a scenario to have your cake and eat it too. So the question is why do you need to emotionally occupy this person and risk the chance of damaging both them and yourself? Why do you need/ want both them and another person? The rich truly get richer huh? There are already too many bitter men and emotionally damaged women, and stuff like this can damage men and make them emotionally absent.  

Women often don’t want to leave bad or unproductive relationships because of time invested, yet most are hesitant to stay in, pursue or further explore a good one that they’ve already invested time in (smh, tisk tisk).

I mean you have all that you ever want in this friendship, you have someone that accepts and loves you for you. If you can’t be yourself around the person you're with, it’s not your partner, and you already have it in this friend. Someone that misses you and thinks about you when you’re gone, and wants to be around you when you’re around, how is this not idea exactly? Someone who does the little things, little gifts, small conversations that make bad days better, makes holidays and birthdays special just so you aren't let out because your single. Because you meet those types of dudes everyday, right?

Your friend is ideal; by being their friend you’ve already done the hard part of the relationship work. You’ve taken your time to get to know them; they’re still around so they are obviously worth it. You’ve been earned and you’ve earned them, because we don’t give friendship away, people earn our company, earn our friendship, they earn the right to know us emotionally. You have what many people in relationships and marriages wish for intimacy.  You do realize that at most engagements, weddings, and anniversary, heck even funerals you hear people say they married their best friends, and the person that compliments them. Who ever you choose to be with should be the reciprocal of yourself, why reject that? Why take that person for granted? You mean a person is good enough to know your secrets, desires of your hearts, hopes, dreams and maybe even your fantasies, yet not good enough to date?  WTH?

You have a person that encourages you, wants to see you happy, make you happy and willingly supports you, and that’s not enough? Unbelievable!

“Friends” is a convenient excuse. Being “ just Friends” takes the pressure off of the maintenance part of a relationship. But, in actuality you’ve already been doing the maintenance and upkeep of a relationship, any friendship requires maintenance of the relationship. Once again you’ve already done the hard parts, the parts that most single people find so difficult about dating and getting to know people and trusting them. The only thing you two haven’t done is officially declared yourselves exclusive to each other. You have the best friends with benefits ever, the benefit of actual friendship.

So what they are not everything that you want? Guess what nobody is, but they’ll be everything you need. So what they’re not the person you saw for yourself. Means you found a diamond in the rough, or love in an unexpected place. Someone once told me that love is like a hole in the ground, if you look for it, you’ll never fall in it. It’s found you, why can’t you embrace that? It’s not about your first choice; it’s about the right choice. The fact that both of you have remained single in the flowers of love, just maybe confirmation.  It’s spoiled and childish to hold out for better if you when you have a winner. It’s immature and an insult to your friendship to decide that dating them is settling. Settling for what? Happiness is that a bad compromise for a backup plans and second choice. IJS its craziness to me, but what do I know? 

That’s my perspective at least, and it’s my experience. What’s yours?

Slin_K
@slin_k_polymath